Sickly Sweet Dreams
by EMHW.Bear
Summary: When Rachel obsesses over a rogue vampire the pack has been hunting, she embarks on a journey of strange dreams, potentially placing her life in danger and ultimately sending Paul to the fight of his life. Sequel to The Red Moon Promise, although it can stand alone.
1. Introduction

_**A/N**_ _I began writing this story a long time ago when I was first bitten by the Twilight bug, but I was never able to complete it. I also didn't have a beta at the time. I removed it in order to re-post a better beta'd version since I'm now ready to post the final chapters. I will be updating once a week until its completion._

_I'd like to give a special thanks to Sarah Teague, the wonderful person who is now helping me get my chapters ready for posting. Thanks Sarah!_

_I hope you enjoy this mystery suspense featuring Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga characters Rachel and Paul. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

_**The Introduction below is an excerpt from The Red Moon Promise Epilogue:**  
_

_As soon as she saw them clearly, she knew what they were. Pale, ivory white skin, lips wine red, and their under shadowed eyes were dismal and oddly colored. One looked like a teenager. The other looked like a man in his mid thirties._

_"Get her up, Tony."_

_That was when she saw him. He was already walking away when Tony picked her up from the ground, busting the ropes from her ankles and standing her upright._

_"I know you know better than to try and run." Tony the teenager examined her smugly before snapping the bands from her wrists._

_She stood frozen with fear, blinking back her tears and trying not to breathe too loudly._

_Tony turned toward the vampire walking away. "Hold on, Nekoy. We'll take you back to your truck."_

_"Nah. I know the way," Nekoy replied dully not looking back._

_She took a good look at the one called Nekoy as he walked away._

_He was a Native American. He had faded, bronze skin covering his athletically built arms, and dark, just below the ear length hair, sort of retro style. A very broad physique and he moved, swaggering with conviction. He was dressed fairly modern, with a light colored t-shirt and dark blue denim jeans. A medium sized back pack was slung over his shoulder, resembling any random college guy…or Calvin Klein model._

_As if her eyes were burning a hole through the back of his head, he whisked around swiftly, staring directly at her._

_Shuddering, she closed her eyes tightly, and dropped her head._

_Instantly, he was standing right beside her. She was shaking so bad, she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to hold herself still. Panting heavily, she tried to catch her breath, praying that when she opened her eyes he wouldn't be there._

_Very slowly, she lifted her head and inched her eyes open, peering out through her hair._

_His eyes were fixed directly on her face, and he bore them right into hers, soothing her somehow. They were a strange warm golden amber color, not the same as the ring leader's eyes, which were crimson red, or Tony's, which were a fiery shade of amber._

_"I thought you didn't want to be part of this?" the older vampire curiously asked._

_"Changed my mind," Nekoy replied. "Could be interesting."_

_"Well take the girl. Be careful not to injure her. She's part of the plan. We've got a couple more men to meet up with and then we'll get to where we're going."_

_Nekoy lightly took hold of her arm, leading her away. To her surprise, he pressed his lips against her ear, causing her to flinch from fear and shiver automatically from the shock of his touch. His hand was ice cold and so was his mouth. "Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you," he breathed nearly silent._

_She couldn't bring herself to look away. Deep down inside of her, she knew that he was telling the truth._

Now, Jacob, Paul, and all the rest of them are searching for him every day, to destroy him.

If they only knew the truth, he kept them safe by guarding and defending them.

Nekoy was the real reason she and Kim were still alive. He even saved her from her nightmares … eventually.

_As soon as her dark-silver wolf crashed through the window, crouching protectively in front of her, Nekoy left the building. She was relieved because she didn't want him to get hurt._

How does she tell her Perfect Paul that the vampire who should be part of her worst nightmares now haunts her most vivid dreams? And, _not_ in the way anyone would ever expect.

_**Reading Red Moon Promise not Necessary but helps. **_

_**Hope to hear from you =)**_


	2. Strange Turn of Events

_**Chapter 1**_

_**Strange Turn of Events**_

I finished preparing my lessons, locked my classroom door, and left for the day. Paul was already waiting for me out front on the junior high side of the Quileute Tribal School. He brightened up instantly as soon as he saw me. Watching his eyes light up like that never got old.

He jumped off the truck to open the passenger door for me, smiling charmingly. "You look really beautiful today."

"You always say that," I reminded him as I leaned from the cab and kissed him lightly.

"But it's always true," he whispered, pulling me closer and kissing me better. "I ran late today, so I didn't have time to change," he explained as he climbed into the truck. "I hope you don't mind being seen with a primer covered, paint splattered guy for now. I'll take a shower at your apartment."

His dad operated a makeshift auto body repair shop out of their home garage. That was where Paul worked when he wasn't out running patrols. They got a fair amount of business too. His dad was reasonably cheap compared to what most auto body repair shops charged for the same kind of work. They also had established quite a name for themselves with the high quality of work they delivered. It worked out well because it didn't interfere with Paul's wolf obligations to the Tribe, which always took precedence over everything else.

"Your entire wardrobe is practically there anyway," I teased.

"I know. Remind me to take some of that home."

We rented a DVD and ordered a pizza before going back to my little one-bedroom apartment in the blue duplex building. That just so happened to be right across the street from the high school side of the building and was also the only thing available in the small community of La Push.

My elderly neighbor, Mercy, was kneeling in the flower garden on her side of the duplex. "Hi, Rachel. How was school today?" she asked, getting to her feet and shaking off dirt from her gardening gloves.

I was lucky enough to have been permanently hired as the seventh grade teacher almost immediately after I had started working at the school as a teacher's aide. "My day was fine thanks. The kids are all great. The garden's coming along nicely," I complimented.

She knew I didn't know the first thing about flower gardens. "I'm going to start planting on your side as soon as I finish this side. Hi Paul, how have you been?"

She greeted Paul nicely enough, but her eyes sparked of accusation. She was so old fashioned.

Paul rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Good," he snapped grouchily, clumping into the apartment.

"Talk to you later, Mercy," I said, following him inside. As soon as I shut the door, I backhanded him on the arm. "Did you have to be so rude to her?"

"I saw that look she gave me, like I was nothing but trouble. That's what she gets for reporting us to Billy all the time. I know it's her."

"I know it's her too, but she's older and lonely. It's not her fault that she doesn't have anything more to do than to pay attention to what everyone else does. Promise me you'll be nice to her next time no matter wha_t_."

Paul avoided eye contact with me, pouting stubbornly. I glowered at him, giving him my best demanding expression. He turned his head from left to right then up and down, shifting uneasily under the weight of my glare. Finally returning my stare, he reluctantly sighed. "Okay. I promise I'll be nice next time."

Paul took a shower while I did some things around the house, reheated the pizza, and put the DVD on. He wanted to rent an action packed film. I wanted to see a chick flick, so we settled on a comedy.

_The night air felt cold and misty. I shivered, grasping at my jacket collar and enclosing it snuggly around my neck. I would have worn a scarf if I had known it would be this frigid out. I was on my way back to the dorms from the library after a long grueling night of studying._

_I leisurely passed by the dark archway just as I did most school nights._

_Something looked different about it tonight. It was smaller than usual and extraordinarily black. I veered a little closer for some reason and peered inside. A sudden and violent yank forced me through, abruptly drawing the air from my lungs. An ugly presence was gripping me tightly and dragging me rapidly down the stairway. I was moving downward so fast I couldn't catch my breath, and I thought I would lose my footing at any second, but I wasn't touching the ground._

_The icy, hollow stairwell twisted and turned without a pattern; void of any light, life, or sound._

_Waves of terror spun in the pit of my stomach with each and every forced drop. The malevolent concentration of pure evil that had a frightening grasp on my person began to strangle me. I had to get away. Get out somehow … Or… I was going to die. _

"Rachel … babe … You awake?"

I jerked my eyes open, quickly pushing myself up to a sitting position, gasping for air. Paul was staring at me, his face plastered with worry. "I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep," I said, wiping the moisture from my forehead. "I'm so tired all the time. I can't even stay awake through a ninety minute movie these days, a comedy even."

"You were having another nightmare, weren't you … was it about them?" he asked, disturbed.

"No, it wasn't. It was just a really bad dream."

Paul lifted his arm around me, nudging me against his hot, bare chest. I gladly huddled up to him, wrapping my arms around him and resting my face below his chin.

"I wish I knew how to stop your nightmares," he groaned. I could hear the frustration in his voice.

"I know you do, but things have gotten a lot better. Really, they have." I fibbed just to appease him.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?"

"If I knew you'd be gone before daylight, I'd say yes but you won't."

I had promised Billy that I'd set a good example for the students when I took the job at the school, and again when I moved directly across the street from it. This meant that Paul and I wouldn't live together until we got married. That didn't stop Paul from staying over a couple times a week though.

"I'm just not a morning person, babe. I'll try my best to get up early tomorrow," he coaxed with puppy dog eyes.

"Hmm, where have I heard that one before?" I raised my eyebrows reproachfully. I wanted him to stay, but the thought of upsetting Billy this close to the last time had me thinking twice. "You didn't have to hear the latest ear beating I got from my dad."

I replayed Billy's words in my mind. _Why don't you hurry up and get married? Don't you care that I'm on the Tribal Council? Can't I count on my kids to help me set good example for the people? I knew this would happen as soon as you moved into your own place. You might be almost twenty-two years old but you're still a young woman to the rest of the community members. Sure, you're an adult and your relationship with Paul is your business. I don't care how often he's here or if he wants to hang around outside all night. All I'm asking is that he doesn't stay overnight with you. Why can't you show just a little bit of consideration for your old dad?_

The disappointed way he looked at me was what bothered me the most.

I had heard it all before; however, this time Billy added a new one. _Am I going to have to involve your brother and Sam in this?_

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Paul vied, stroking my hair lovingly.

"This time—" I paused then peeping up at him, hesitantly revealed, "—he threatened to get Jacob to order you _not_ to stay the night. I was afraid to tell you that before."

Paul's eyes widened in surprise and his mouth gaped open. "He wouldn't."

"You didn't see the look on his face when he said it." I sat up, staring seriously at Paul.

A streak of angst flashed in his eyes. "Knowing Jacob, he would probably do it!" He scowled in anger. "He'd do it just to piss me off, and get a big kick out of it, too."

"He would not. All he cares about is Raven these days," _and the missing vampire._ "Besides, he wouldn't like it if someone did that to him so he wouldn't do that to someone else," I said confidently, attempting to pacify Paul.

But I knew that Paul and Jacob weren't the best of friends, and that's what scared me about Billy's threat. Jacob thought that Paul was an irritating hothead. I had never ever seen anything resembling that side of Paul before. The person I knew was sweet, charming, funny, gorgeous, and so much more. Maybe his will to protect me kept him from losing his temper when I was around, because as far as I was concerned there was no temper.

"Trust me. He's not that considerate." Paul scoffed. "I really wouldn't put it past him."

"It's more of a reason to be extra careful then. Anyway, I have to get up really early. I've got a lot of work to do before class tomorrow."

Paul gleamed cunningly, standing up and stretching. "Okay, but if you need me I'll be right outside."

"You better not be," I said, following him to the door and kissing him goodnight. "Really, I'll be fine. I'm down to one bad dream a night and I've already had it, so I'm good."

It was bad enough that there was always a wolf or two shadowing me, under orders from Sam and Jacob, which irritated the heck out of me. I didn't like the idea of Paul worrying about me every second of the day as well.

Then I remembered something else. "Wait a minute," I said. I dashed into the bedroom and grabbed one of the many t-shirts from the collection that he left lying around the house. "Put this on for me real quick."

"Rachel, I don't know why you have me do this all the time when the real thing is standing right here willing to stay," he grumbled, pulling the t-shirt over his head.

"Please just do it," I whined. Making my voice sound soft and sweet, I added, "It makes me feel close to you. It just goes to show how much I need you."

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actions speak louder than words." He took the t-shirt off and handed it back to me. "You know? That could be us getting married in a couple of months." He sulked as he walked out the door.

Cringing in guilt, I said, "Just a little while longer, I promise." I grabbed his arm and pulled him back inside and kissed him again.

Turning out the lights, I went into the restroom, changed into his t-shirt, and got ready for bed. I loved sleeping in his t-shirts. They were extremely comfortable, and they were even better when he wore them for a couple of seconds. Don't ask me why.

We had been talking about getting married before the whole _being abducted by vampires_ ordeal happened. The Romanian vampires, Stefan and Vladimir, had discovered the identities of the entire pack. They attempted to use Kim, Brady, and me as leverage to convince the guys to help them to overthrow the Volturi. Jacob, Paul, and the pack found out where we were being held and rescued us. Although they saved us from certain death and saved themselves from going to Italy, not everyone made it home alive.

When we lost Embry, we were all in mourning for several months. Nobody was in the mood for planning a wedding. Adding to the drawback, frequent post-traumatic nightmares had plagued me ever since, prompting us to wait a while longer.

Paul didn't care what kind of damaged condition I was in. He'd have gotten married the next day if I had asked him to. He was adoringly special that way, a far cry from all the losers I was attracting in college. I wanted everything to be ideal for him when we started our life together, with nothing at all hanging over our heads. Therefore, my perfect Paul had been waiting patiently for me to get healthier. Well … maybe not patiently.

Like an idiot, I climbed into bed pondering the repeating vampire scenarios that had continued to disturb me. What a thing to be thinking about just before going to sleep.

Anyhow, those particular dreams always started out the same.

_We are locked in the room and Kim is screaming hysterically. I'm trying to calm her, because I know she's drawing way too much attention to us. Then the door burst open, and the vampire, Pete, swoops in, either going for Kim or going for me._

Sometimes Kim died brutally, but most of the time it was me.

A popular urban legend was that if you died in your sleep, you would die in real life. That wasn't true though, because I had died several times in my horrible vampire nightmares, and I still woke up sweating profusely every time.

It didn't happen like that in real life, because when Pete swooped in Nekoy was there to save us.

Nekoy was the Native American vampire whom had happened upon our situation and tagged along just to keep us safe, also known as "the missing vampire." He promised me he wouldn't let anything happen to us and he didn't. He had risked his own existence just to make sure that we survived.

Forty minutes later, I was wide-awake tossing and turning. A subtle whining and scratching from outside my bedroom window made me smile. Feeling a rush of excitement, I hopped up and quietly cracked the window open. "Hurry up and get back in here then," I whispered.

More than another hour went by, and I was visualizing numbers in my head, continuing with my efforts to fall asleep. Paul was holding me tightly, breathing heavily, already knocked out cold.

It was hard for me to fall asleep most nights because I always anticipated another nightmare—or some other type of strange and disturbing dream.

As I lay awake, I thought about Nekoy and the vampire dreams, wondering why he was never in them. Perhaps it was because I wasn't afraid of him. He had made me feel safe. If he were in my nightmares, they probably wouldn't have been nightmares.

I wondered what had ever become of him.

Intent on sleeping, I purposely slowed my breathing while I continued to think about Nekoy, falling deeper into relaxation. Gradually, I could vaguely see him in my mind's eye. He was sitting with his back against the wall, talking to me. I knew I was dreaming because I was still partly awake. Consciously, I attempted to see him more clearly and to hear what he was saying. He began to slip away from my vision. I pushed myself to focus on him more intensely.

Then it got strange.

An ambiguous energy stirred within me, producing the feeling that I was awake in my dream and fully in control. Like whatever I wanted to see I would see; or whatever I wanted to do I could do. Testing my theory, I decided I was in the center of my classroom. At once, I was there.

The first observation I made was how cold and spooky the room felt during the night, a noticeable contrast from the friendly daytime spirit that it held. The papers I had collected at the end of the day were neatly piled on the ancient oak desk, cluttered with notebooks, folders, subject racks, a pencil sharpener, and an oversized coffee mug with a picture of a gray wolf, howling at the moon on it. The bottle of water I set on the bookshelf was right where I had left it. I could plainly read the homework assignment I scrawled on the chalkboard that afternoon. Everything was so vivid, so brilliant. Almost as if I truly was there. It was extremely fascinating and utterly empowering.

Speculating as to where else my dream could take me, Nekoy came to mind again. I thought it would be nice to see him clearly once more just to refresh my memory of him. If I could dream myself to see my classroom, I figured, why not try to dream myself to see Nekoy? After all, it _was_ only a dream.

I assumed the best place to visualize him was at the heart of my most terrible, horrific terrors. The room we had been confined to somewhere in the Cascade Mountains.

Knowing I was only dreaming, I made myself picture that awful place. I found myself standing in the main area room of the building. The room was dark, bare, and empty. Not at all like in the nightmares, full of light and swarming with vampires.

As it happened, it resembled the way it looked after the battle was over. I steadily moved around, observantly exploring the area, stepping over shards of glass from the windows that Leah and Josiah busted through.

I pictured my beautiful, dark-silver and gray wolf crashing in and landing protectively in front of me.

Examining Brady's broken cage, I even heard the sound of the hanging door squeaking as the breeze blew it back and forth. I touched the big dent in the metal beam that Nekoy threw Pete into when he had tried to attack me. I noticed the debris from all the depressions and holes in the plaster that crumbled from the walls during all the violence that took place there. I stomped my foot against the hard cement floor just to hear the sound of the echo. A piece of glass fell from a broken window and crashed in the corner, startling me.

Slowly, I proceeded to the room of our captivity. Everything was so flamboyant; it was more than bizarre. I stopped a few feet away from the entrance of the room, afraid of what I might see if I continued on. I was only there to envision Nekoy. I didn't want to imagine anything else. As stupid as it sounded, I told myself, _when I get into that room, he'll be there._

I neared the mangled door—now hanging on by a thread—with misgivings, pushed the weighty metal out of the way and climbed past it. To my startling amazement, Nekoy was standing, wide-eyed in the center of the room. I couldn't believe the imaging I was deliberately summoning from mere memory.

_Is this possible?_

A feeling of anxiousness pulsed through me at the sight of him, making my dream feel all the more real.

"Rachel?" he asked, looking around the room carefully before setting his eyes back on me. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what am _I_ doing here?" I lifted my voice, annoyed at the question. "I'm always here but you're not. Where have _you_ been?"

His eyes shot open briefly as if he was startled by my answer. He stared at me for a second or two longer and slowly answered. "I'm here now."

Brandishing a look of confusion and disbelief, he strode toward me, inspecting me. "You look …" He eyed me up and down. "Well. I'm glad to see you got home safely."

"We don't get home safely," I said, as if he should have already known, "because you're never here to help us."

"What?" he asked in a low whisper. His eyes narrowed speculatively for a few moments then shook his head. "This is really _very_ strange, Rachel. I don't quite understand … but I think. I mean, it seems as though …" Struggling with the words, he momentarily paused then giving up, said, "Forget it. I don't know, but what I do know is, we'll definitely have to change the outcome for you. Perhaps if…" He put both hands in his pant pockets and paced in a small circle in the manner of intense concentration while keeping his eyes focused on me. Abruptly, his eyes lit up like he'd found the answer. "Let's try this," he said, going on as if he was making me some kind of a deal. "Whenever you're here do your best to think of me, and I'll do my best to come to you, every time."

I gave an unbelieving "_yeah right_" huff. _If it were only that easy!_

There was a hint of excitement in his dark brown eyes, he reached out and put both hands on my shoulders, touching me almost as if he was checking to see if I was real. I tensed waiting for the cold shock of his icy skin but none came. "Remarkable," he said.

Oddly, his hands felt comfortably warm. Then he patted his own shoulder as if to check if he was real. He appeared so stunningly alive it was freaky.

"It's really good to see you again, Rachel. Strange is even the possibility that I'd ever come across you here." A smile stretched across his face.

I woke from the coherent dream with a jolt, wondering: _what in the world was that?_


	3. The Summoning

**Chapter 2**

_**The Summoning**_

The school bell rang.

My small class of seventh graders raced to get out the door, laughing worry free. It was Friday and the lively ambiance was all around the school.

"Remember … we have a math test on Monday and your journals are due. The journals count as a third of your English grade so make sure you're writing in them," I reminded them, trying to lift my voice over all the noisy chatter.

I started recording quiz scores, but I couldn't get that strange and distinctive dream I had had about Nekoy out of my mind.

I realized that a week and a half had passed with no nightmares—which was the more positive outcome of the peculiar dream—and I couldn't help but feel that Nekoy was part of the reason for it. I kept going back to his words about changing the outcome of the dreams. The suggestion seemed to have given me a sense of control, even though I knew it wasn't real.

But seeing Nekoy in my mind that clearly also brought on a wave of other memories: terrible memories I had resolved to forget.

As I inattentively gazed at my grade book, I flashed back.

_We were driving through winding dirt roads somewhere deep within the mountains. Kim was already with us and she couldn't stop crying._

_"If you don't be quiet, we're going to tape your mouth back up!" George, the lead vampire threatened._

_I was holding her in my arms, trying to calm her because I could see that George was more than agitated. When we reached what appeared to be a dead-end, George informed everyone that we'd be traveling the rest of the way by foot. He single handedly shoved his car into some thick, green and brown forest brush. _

_Tony, the teenage vampire, grabbed a hold of Kim. Nekoy grabbed a hold of me and we went flying through the trees so fast that all the scenery was a blur. _

_I could hear Kim's muffled screams the entire time we soared through the trees, climbing in altitude. _

_Once our movement had slowed enough for me to regain normal visual perception, Nekoy practically ordered, "You know you're going to have to get her to stop screaming and crying. I'm not sure what kind of patience whoever is in that building is going to have." _

_"I'll talk to her." I murmured, numb with fear. _

_I extended my arm out to Kim, and Tony let his hand drop from her shaking arm, directing her to me with a light shove. _

_We reached for one another. "I'm scared too Kim, but there's going to be other vampires in that building, and we need to be as quiet as we can be. We don't want to upset them for any reason," I persuaded with a shaky voice._

_Kim nodded and attempted to swallow her sobs. Her breathing was short and interrupted like she had the hiccups._

_Nekoy walked in front of us, trailing George. Kim and I scrunched together with our arms intertwine, creeping behind him. Tony followed in the back of Kim and I._

_The large manufacturing building looked abandoned and run down, and from the outside it seemed completely vacant. _

_I felt the presence of fatality growing stronger as we approached. I was sure that our lives would be over the minute we stepped inside, and I wondered if anyone would ever find out what happened to us._

_It was hard to tell if we wandered indoors of our own accord or if we had been shoved across the floor, but as soon I stumbled through the shallow entrance way, the chill in the air touched me deep within my bones. _

_Fortunately, quite a few fluorescent lights hanging from the rafters brightened the entire inside of the building._

_Numerous hisses, grunts, and gurgles rang out from every direction. In the space of a second, we were surrounded by several odd, strikingly appealing monsters each with drooling thirst visible in their blood tinted eyes, at the sight and smell of us._

_I jumped, throwing myself into Nekoy's back, clutching at his shirt and cowering against him, with Kim huddled up tightly against me. His arm curled back and around us, shielding Kim and I from the other vampires with his body. My face was buried into the back of his shoulder. I was afraid to lift my head even a sliver._

_Somehow, I managed to peek out from behind his arm with one eye when I heard the voice of another one speak. "My name is Thomas. Who are you?" The one that appeared to be in charge said, sounding rather cordial._

_He wore a very expensive looking suit and seemed to be out of place compared to the few others I could see from the corners of my eyes._

_"I'm Nekoy, and that's Tony. We were on our way to Canada when George tracked us."_

_"Good, good I'm glad you decided to join us. For all intensive purposes, I'm the boss here. Gentlemen this is Nekoy and Tony, and these ladies_ —_" he said, gesturing toward us, "_—_are the guests. The same rule applies. They must not be harmed."_

_I swallowed a big sigh of relief but that didn't stop me or Kim from trembling erratically._

_From behind Nekoy, I scanned the room as much as possible. I saw a wolf lying unconscious in a cage. I didn't know who it was. Up until then, Paul and Jacob were the only wolves I had ever seen shifted aside from Paul's nephew, Liam, when he exploded into his wolf for the very first time._

_Paul had been out in the garage painting a car at his parent's house when Liam barged through the front door of the house, incensed. His little girlfriend had just broke-up with him for one of his buddies. I tried to talk to him about it, but he became enraged, aggressively pushing me out of the way and blazing out the back door. I ran after him hollering his name. All at once, he ruptured into a large beautiful, amber grey wolf and disappeared into the woods. Luckily, Paul was right behind him. Needless to say, Paul was very upset with me for not recognizing the signs and keeping my distance._

_"Since you're both here, I'm quite certain that George has already clued you in on everything else." Thomas spoke in a professional businesslike manner, glancing from Nekoy and Tony to George._

_George nodded his head indicating that he had clued them in._

_"Now … you've heard me announce that none of the guests are to be harmed, however, due the aroma, that's easier said than done. Therefore, we'll need to place someone in charge to see to it that the guests will remain untouched. Judging by the looks of things, the job is already yours, Nekoy. Tony, you'll help him should there be any trouble. I can tell by your eyes that neither of you has a problem with self control." Thomas handed some keys to Nekoy and pointed toward the room next door. "Oh, one more thing, the town of Newhalem is completely off limits. Completely!" he repeated. "And _—_not just from feeding either."_

_Nekoy accompanied us into the room. "Tony … take a look around this place and tell me what you discover. Lock the door behind you on your way out."_

_I wondered if we were being locked in or the others were being locked out. I remembered thinking how absurdly redundant the very function of a locked door was. There was no possibility of us escaping vampires anyway. Nor was there a possibility that a typical locked door could withstand the strength of one wanting entry to the isolated area we were being held in._

_Tony left the room. Nekoy pulled a chair in front of the closed door and sat down._

_I helped Kim to one of the mattresses, guiding her to sit. She was shaking badly. I lifted a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around her, trying to pretend we were all alone. She curled up into a ball and sobbed quietly while I sat beside her, patting her shoulder lightly. _

_I kept my head down staring at the floor to frighten to move. _

_The atmosphere in the room was cold and vastly unpleasant. I could feel his eyes penetrating me. Shivers ran down my spine. _

_After several more unnerving moments, Nekoy spoke. "Is the wolf your family?" _

_Weirdly, support washed over me at the protective and capable nature of his voice, causing me a great deal of uncertainty. I didn't answer him._

_"This is the situation. You probably won't believe this but I'm here to help you," he stated, sounding genuine. "You can trust me."_

_I timidly lifted my head to get a small glimpse of him as discreetly as possible. His expression soft and serious, I detected kindness and truth in his eyes, and yet I struggled to find my voice._

_"Do you know why you're here?" he pressed._

_I finally heard myself blurt out, "Do you?"_

_My throat was so dry; the voice that came out of me didn't sound anything like my own. I quietly cleared my airway as I lifted my head completely to examine his veneer as much as my fear would allow me to do._

_"As a matter a fact, I do. I'll tell you all that I know if you will agree to let me help you anyway that I can."_

_I nodded my head up and down. What other choice did I have?_

"Excuse me, Miss Black." A voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up. Journey was entering my classroom with a baseball cap covering her head. Journey was the second female wolf to transform—ever, in our entire oral history.

"School's out. You can call me by my name Journey." The kids always tended to forget to drop the formality that made me feel less friend and family to them. They knew I preferred Rachel whenever it wasn't absolutely necessary to be referred to as Miss Black. Miss Black made me feel old. "What is it?"

Journey burst out crying. She took off her hat and all her pretty shoulder-length hair was cut in to a wispy face-framing bob. "I cut my hair because I thought it would be easier to deal with, but now I look more like a boy than ever," she wailed. "It's bad enough I already feel like a boy."

"I think it looks really cute and it isn't even that short. It's more like … medium," I pointed out, getting up from my desk to get some tissue paper off the shelf.

I've always been overly sensitive to people's emotions and couldn't stand to see someone hurting or crying.

"I hate it!" she cried, covering her head with her arms.

I approached her understandingly, arranging the locks around her face and handing her a tissue. "I'm ready to leave. Walk with me to my apartment. I want to show you something."

When we got to my apartment, I flipped through the latest edition of Vogue magazine and showed her pictures of several fashion models with hair shorter than hers. "See … Do any of these girls look like boys?"

"No, but they don't look plain like me either," she blubbered.

"You don't look plain," I truthfully commented. The face she made in return told me that she didn't want to hear it. "All right … Since you think you do, I'm going to do for you what my college roommates did for me when I first got to Washington State."

"What's that?" She said spiritedly, wiping the tears from her red, swollen eyes and blowing her nose.

"They gave me a crash course on hair and makeup. Not that a beautiful girl like you needs makeup but sometimes it can make a girl feel better. Just remember, you want to keep it looking natural."

"That's exactly the reason I came to you." She breathed with relief. "I like the way you fix your hair and makeup. Leah hardly wears any, and I didn't know who else to ask."

"Yeah. Leah's always been such a natural girl."

Primping rubbed off on me while I was away at college, living in the dorms with a bunch of girls. I liked wearing makeup, styling my hair different ways, and painting my nails. I was also a bit of a fashion bug. You could say I was more of a girly-girl than Leah or Raven.

By the time I finished with Journey, she looked stunning. A fifteen-year-old freshman already 5'9, athletically slender, and just the right amount of curves. I didn't see how anyone could ever mistake her for a boy.

She was ecstatic when she got a look at herself in the mirror.

"Whoa!" Paul said, as he passed Journey on her way out. "Seth better run for cover if he doesn't want to lose his heart," he teased.

Journey blushed. "I don't even like Seth." She scowled, denying it unconvincingly.

I poked Paul in the ribs. "Come over anytime!" I hollered after her.

When Paul got inside, I put both of my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

"You're in a good mood," he noted, questioningly. "What's up?"

Making people feel better always put me in a cheery mood. I sat down on the couch, pulling Paul down beside me. He narrowed his eyes curiously. "Well for starters, I got to do something nice for someone. I'm also happy that you've been able to get out of here before sunrise and … I haven't had any nightmares all this week," I revealed, superstitiously knocking on wood for the last two statements that I made.

"That's good to hear. Maybe we should just take off to Las Vegas right now," he jokingly suggested, kissing my engagement ring.

"Maybe we should."

"No, we better not. My mom would kill us if we did that," he replied after giving the idea serious thought. "It's nice out today. Do you want to go to the beach? Sam wants to get a volleyball game together."

"Why? So they could all laugh at me every time I fall over?" I reminded him of the last time we played volleyball. There was an invisible hole everywhere I stepped and I kept losing my footing for everyone's pleasurable enjoyment.

Paul chuckled at the memory. "Laughing with you, not at you," he bogusly clarified.

"Yeah, whatever," I lightheartedly snapped. "As I recall, you were right in there with Jake, laughing every time he made fun of me."

It didn't really bother me when Jacob kidded me. I knew he didn't mean it. I also usually gave him as good as I got. We both got a big kick out of it—once our tempers cooled; however, I was a wee bit bugged when Paul laughed at Jacob's stale jokes.

Paul squinted and shook his head, giving me his_ what-are- you- talking- about _look. "His jokes are stupid. That's the only reason I laugh. It's because he actually thinks he's a funny guy."

"I.D.K. Whatev," I said, rolling my eyes.

Paul looked at me like I was off my rocker.

"Just something I picked up from the kids." I batted my eyelashes playfully.

"I'll tell you what. We'll go but neither of us will play," he suggested with a mischievous smirk. "We'll go just to make fun of everyone else this time. I'll think of some good ones for Jacob."

I giggled. "Okay. You got me. I'm in."

It was totally pick on Jacob night. All Paul did was make one wise crack about the way Jacob served the ball and Leah, Quil, Seth, and nearly everyone else joined in. Paul and I snuck up the beach laughing quietly when Jacob started to get over-heated. Just before we got too far away, I heard Sam tell everyone to cut it out because Jacob was threatening to leave. I turned around and caught Sam hardly containing his own laughter.

Part of the crimson orange sunset was visible through the wide breaks in the cloud cover. Paul made a small fire at our favorite spot on the beach, the place where we first met. We spread a blanket out over the sand and got comfortable watching the bubbly waves collide against the cliff rocks. All in all, I was having a great time. I couldn't have asked for a better Friday night.

"Normally, Jacob can take a pretty good ribbing. His sense of humor must have had the night off." Paul chuckled. "Did you see the look on his face when everyone started in on him?"

"I didn't realize how easy that was going to be." I grinned, mentally preparing myself for some kind of practical joke to be played on one of us in return. "That _was_ pretty funny. I haven't seen a more cranky or annoyed expression on his face since the first time he saw us together."

We both smiled at the memory of Jacob's jaw hitting the ground when he opened the front door and saw Paul kiss me goodnight.

"Hey. I was pretty worried about that one, actually," Paul confessed.

"Really? How come?" I asked.

"Well, because he's your brother. I wasn't sure what he was going to tell you about me after I left, or how much whatever it was that he said would affect your opinion of me." Paul reclined, spreading out on the blanket with his hands interlocked behind his head.

I stretched out beside him propping myself up on my elbow and resting my ear in the palm of my hand as I gazed at him.

"That was the happiest, most terrifying day of my entire life." Paul's eyes glossed reminiscently as he explained. "I was so happy that I found you. At the same time I was absolutely terrified that I would do or say something wrong, completely blowing any chance that I had with you."

"I don't remember you being nervous at all," I said, walking through every detail of the memory of our first meeting.

I had only been home a short while and already, I was suffocating from the painful absence of my mom. That day, I was on the beach contemplating how to tell Billy that I was leaving again. Meeting Paul changed everything. He unknowingly gave me the strength to deal with my feelings without running away.

"I was though. Plus, there was the added dilemma of finding some way to explain my world to you and my feelings without scaring you away. I drove you home, walked you to the door, kissed you, and saw that look on Jacob's face. I wasn't sure what would happen after I left. I didn't sleep at all that night."

"Aw," I said, sliding my body over his and kissing him affectionately. "Jake's opinion does matter to me. Although, I think by the end of that first day nothing anyone could have said would have made a difference in the way I was going to feel about you. I was already falling in love."

Even though I knocked on wood, I had a nightmare that night.

_Someone was coming! I tried to pull Kim into the restroom. She wouldn't budge. She stood unyieldingly stiff, crying and screaming at the top her lungs. My own lungs were working so rapidly I could hardly get any oxygen. One. Two. Three. For…_ _The door exploded, and Pete floated at me with a sinister, hungry sneer on his blood curled lips. _

_Nekoy had left us, and we were about to die._

_The petrifying fear my dream caused yanked me into a half-consciousness._

"Think of me" _is what he told me to do. Snapping my eyes closed tightly, gritting my teeth, and clenching my fists, I wailed, _"Nekoy!"_ inside of my head as I waited for the pain of Pete's jagged jowls to slice me into the blackness that I had met many, many times before._

_Immediately, I felt the atmosphere around me change. I opened my eyes. Pete had vanished, but so did Kim, along with the bright vampire-filled building of my nightmare._

_Nekoy and I were standing in the dark and empty broken room of my_—_lucid dream?__ It worked. I had consciously thought of him and it worked. I was filled with astonishment and… happiness at seeing him there. "Thank you. You really came." _

_"I told you I would. You can always trust me."_

_He smiled warmly, and I gathered he was inexplicably tangible again, as was everything else in the dream. I gazed into his eyes. It was then that it occurred to me that they weren't the warm golden amber I remembered them to be. They were a natural shade of dark brown. And his deep bronze skin looked brilliantly alive versus being oddly faded in shade. He wasn't even cold to the touch._

_He wore a dark blue button-up shirt over a white t-shirt and slightly faded blue jeans. Still had Calvin Klein looks about him. I guess I never wanted to acknowledge it before, but Nekoy was very handsome._

_He glanced around the cold, shadowy room. "I don't understand, Rachel. Why would you want to be here again? What is it that brings you back to this place?" _

Before I had a chance to comprehend what he had asked me, I woke.

Another strange lifelike reverie, I wasn't shook up by it, merely captivated by the vividness of it all. I was also very intrigued. I mean—to be able to notice what Nekoy had been wearing right down to the color of his t-shirt? Not to mention that the clothes he had on in the dream weren't even the ones he had been wearing in real life. What? Was my imagination dressing him now? And what did he mean, what brings me back there? As if it had ever been my choice.

I climbed out of bed, trudged over to my laptop computer, turned it on, and googled lucid dreams.

_Lucid dream_ is a dream in which the sleeper is aware that he or she is dreaming.  
When the dreamer is lucid, he or she can actively participate in and often manipulate  
the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can seem  
extremely real and vivid depending on a person's level of self-awareness during the  
lucid dream.

I closed the laptop and sighed. Perhaps, I _was_ purposely seeing what I wanted to see. Nekoy didn't appear to be a vampire in the image that I had had of him. Everything about him was alive and natural.

An eerie feeling crawled up the back of my neck; my intuition telling me that there was more going on than I was able to perceive, something more than just a lucid dream. But I didn't know what.


	4. Recognizing Humanity

**Chapter 3**

_**Recognizing Humanity **_

Liam knocked on the door bright and early. Dragging himself inside, he slumped down on my couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. "So … what are we doing today, Rachel?" he asked, his expression tired.

Paul was usually with me and when he wasn't, whoever was watching normally kept their distance, so I didn't exactly know why Liam had shown up. "Did Paul send you over here?" I asked.

"Uh … it's my turn," he replied, saying it like I had just asked him a stupid question.

"I'm sick and tired of this," I grumbled. "It really has to stop. No vampire is going to set foot in a town they know is _packed_," I made my fingers the shape of quotation marks, "with wolves."

Liam laughed dryly. "Good one, Miss Black. I mean, Rachel. No one told me to come inside, but its Saturday morning and I wanted to watch some TV. I didn't think you would mind."

I frowned. "Of course I don't mind. It's not you, Liam. It's the entire situation. I just think it's been long enough and nothing has happened. I doubt that it ever will, and I'm going to say something about it to Jacob about it again."

Liam pursed his lips tightly as if he had something on the tip of his tongue and was forcing himself to hold it in. I eyed him inquisitively, wondering what he was hiding. "Well. I had planned to go with Journey to Port Angeles today to help her shop for clothes. I wonder why she hasn't called me yet."

"Oh. She's with Kim today. I shouldn't say anything Rachel. I don't have permission."

I knew it. Something _was_ going on. I probably could have gotten it out of Liam if I really wanted to, but I didn't want Sam, Jacob, or any of the other guys to get upset with him. He's a sweet kid.

Paul finally called me from Seattle. He drove there a couple times a month to purchase parts and supplies for the shop. I attempted to get the information out of him without mentioning Liam's name. Which wasn't hard, all I had to do was ask him if he knew why Journey never showed up. Paul wouldn't lie to me.

It turned out that Sam, Jared, Quil and a bunch of the other guys all piled in pick-ups and tagged along with him to comb the city for vampires. Quil was there a few days earlier and thought he might have whiffed one. Since Quil wasn't positive, Sam and Jacob felt there was no need to worry me and Kim, but they were taking the incident very seriously.

"Jacob had some work to do this morning so he's there in La Push. Seth, Brady, and Collin all stayed back too. You don't need to worry," Paul explained.

I rolled my eyes. _I'm not worried._

"We left enough wolves close by. I've already loaded all the supplies and as soon as we're done here, I'll be on my way."

"All right. I'll see you when you get back." I was anxious to get off the phone with him because if I stayed on any longer Paul would sense that I wasn't happy with the revelation. I didn't want to have to explain why.

It irked me that everyone was out there wasting away their Saturday, searching for Nekoy on my behalf. When I knew that he would never come looking for me. If Quil did whiff a vampire, I was positive it wasn't Nekoy.

"Liam, let's go see Billy." I suddenly felt like a prisoner. I needed to get out of the house. I also wanted to make sure I got a chance to talk to Jacob about it.

Liam flipped through the TV channels while I got ready. Every channel was covering an out of control forest fire somewhere in the Northern Forests of Michigan. I sat down beside him for a few minutes to watch the news.

Hearing it, my mind glided to my first conversation with Nekoy, which took place a few hours into our first night.

_Naturally, I wasn't going to be able to get any sleep under the circumstances, no matter how tired I felt. I lay on one of the mattresses wanting to toss and turn but making myself hold still. The silence alone was deafening to the point that it really started to hurt my ears. I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up warily. "How old are you," I spouted, disrupting the quiet, "if you don't mind me asking?" I was at it with the questions._

_Nekoy was taken aback, appearing surprised by my sudden outburst. He tilted his head examining me watchfully like he wasn't certain I really spoke. His eyes brightened up. He was glad I asked the question. "You mean how long have I existed or my figurative age?" His voice was friendly, making me feel immediately at ease._

_"I guess I mean the age you're forever at."_

_"We never kept close track of it back then. I would have to guess at about twenty-two give or take a year or two," he answered indifferently._

_He was sitting on the floor beside the doorway, resting up against the wall. I was sitting across from him shaking my leg restlessly, and anxiously fiddling with my hair. "What kind of name is Nekoy anyway?" I faintly asked, bringing my voice down to a whisper._

_Kim had been having these crying fits that satiated the room with tension. I didn't want to wake her, afraid of another one._

_"A made up one," he whispered back, "actually, its Megati ne'ktosha which means war horse in Potawatomi. One of my baby sister's couldn't say it right. I've been Nekoy ever since. It fits better with present times as well."_

_His answer was so normal sounding, and understandable. As if we were talking about any typical family coming across a nickname for their child, that stayed. Nekoy was literally human at one time. I hadn't thought about it before that moment. I bit my lip trying to keep myself from prying anymore._

_"What is it? You look like you want to ask me something else," he fathomed, leaning forward and putting his arms around his knees._

_I held my tongue for about a minute but couldn't contain my curiosity. "How is it that you became what you are?"_

_I knew it was a nosy inquiry; however, I was fascinated by the whole vampire phenomena. Jacob was never very forthcoming with information about the Cullens. Paul shied away from my interest. He made it clear that he wanted to keep me as far away from any vampires as he could. Regardless of how humanized they proved themselves to be. All sorts of questions were stirring in my head. Besides, I had nothing better to do._

_"It's a long story," he frowned, reclining himself back against the wall and stretching his legs out._

_I stared at him with questioning eyes, certain that he wasn't going to tell me anything more. He met my curious gaze and shrugged. "I guess we have time."_

_He focused on the ceiling thoughtfully. "My people once occupied the lands that are called Michigan now, up by the great lakes. It took place in the northern forests of Michigan. I was out gathering medicines for my grandfather one warm summer day. I happened across a beautiful icy woman, with platinum white hair flowing like a river. I had heard stories of the animals that could change themselves to humans and trick men. I thought this was the case. She stalked me for most of the day. I tried to pretend that I wasn't aware of her, making my way out of the forest very, very slowly. The way someone would play dead, and hope that the bear doesn't eat them. When I got to the edge of the trees, she called out to me. I tried to run away but she approached me swiftly. The next thing I knew, every inch of my body was on fire and I was in scorching agony."_

_The corners of Nekoy's mouth turned down and his eyes drooped a little. He repositioned himself, fixing his eyes on the wall behind me and continued in monotone. "I kept seeing visions of my Grandfather, standing at my side during the entire burning transformation. He stayed with me, through all the unbearable pain. Talking to me about what was happening to my body. He told me that I had been attacked by a human looking animal that feeds off men. He warned me that when I woke up. I would become one of those animals and harm our people. And that I would murder my family to feast on their blood. To protect the tribe, he instructed me to travel far away from all humans upon waking. He said I would need extreme self control to save my spirit. That I needed to meditate often, and he would be there to help me. When the pain finally stopped, I did exactly as I was instructed to do. I left my entire family and my life as a human behind."_

_It shouldn't have surprised me that even the eyes of a vampire would display a painful sting at reliving the end of his life as a human. He spoke about family members he walked away from; his parents, brothers, baby sisters, grandparents and many other friends and relatives._

_His life had been stolen from him at no fault of his own. My sensitivity kicked in and there was a tugging at my heart for his pain. I tried to find some words of comfort, but what does a person say to something like that? I hugged my own knees instead, remaining silent. It dawned on me that none of them had asked to become what they were. I wondered how many of the others in the building had similar stories to tell._

_His voice broke through my thoughts. "I wish you wouldn't look at me like that," he mumbled with a low semi-embarrassed chuckle._

_"Like what?" I asked, pretending to be unaware of what he was referring to. Obviously, compassion was written all over my face. I never could hide my feelings very well._

_"Like you feel sorry for me. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Believe me. I've come to terms with what happened to me a long time ago."_

_I looked away, intentionally trying to change my expression._

_"I've never harmed a human being in all my days," he humbly disclosed. "The meditating helps to control the blood thirsty animal within."_

_"So what happened to the platinum blond haired woman?" I asked, noticing he didn't mention her again._

_"She was the one thing I harmed when I came to. I had to make sure that she didn't hurt anyone else," he said solemnly._

Liam and I drove straight to Billy's house. Since Paul and I were being good _at not getting caught_ I wasn't avoiding him for once. I really wanted to spend some time with him. As my luck would have it, Billy wasn't home. The note said _gone fishing_.

Jacob was home though. I followed the music out to the garage, and found Jacob busy working on somebody's car. He had a mechanics set-up in the garage similar to what Paul and his family had. His girlfriend Raven was sitting on a chair against the wall, playing the guitar.

She was his _new_ imprint.

When the Cullens went away, Jacob's bond with Renesmee gradually went away, as well. Billy said it was due to her young, impressionable age. But I thought it was just the opposite. I thought it was due to her high intelligence level. She was no ordinary child. The bond needed nurturing, probably more than what was typical.

Everyone had been so worried about Jacob when the Cullens left. According to Paul, he'd rather die than to have to live without me even for a short time, and he thought that he literally would die if I hadn't accepted the bond and allowed my soul to unite with his.

The feelings Paul, and the others who had imprinted, described left us worried that Jacob would lose his mind or possibly his life. Jacob would do anything for Renesmee though, and he proved to be strong, stronger than we could have guessed.

We now understand that life will find a way for the wolf to survive. Its comforting for me as an imprint because I know the choice to be with Paul is truly mine, and I could not be forced to be with him out of fear he might die, or guilt over causing him to suffer, or some sense of duty to our people.

Jacob held himself together well for a while but we could all see that he was beginning to teeter, even if he wouldn't admit it. I believe he found Raven just in time.

I wonder if it would have worked out between him and Renesmee in the first place. Billy said that imprinting had to do with genetics and carrying on the strongest wolf bloodline. I always had trouble believing that our wolf forefathers would have genetically intertwined a wolf with a vampire - human breed. Sort of like a wolf mixing with a coyote, or a different species entirely, like a bear or something. That would have changed the entire genetic base of the wolf bloodline in Jacob's children. With a three way blood mixture, I couldn't see how it made for a stronger wolf. It diluted the wolf if anything. Not to mention that whole "_mortal enemies of our forefathers" _matter.

But what do I know? I'm just glad Paul loves me and I hope nothing will ever change that.

Some call an imprint a true and only soul mate. I suppose it could be possible to find your true and only soul mate that way. I tend to lean toward Billy's explanation though, simply because the _animal_ instinct is the dominant driving force in our werewolves.

Even though it does seem more accurate and fathomable to me that our wolves would have the ability to sense out their perfect genetic mates, I must admit - I do love the soul mate idea. Perhaps it's a bit of both.

"Wow Raven. You're getting pretty good at that," I affirmed, impressed by her talent.

"Thanks. River showed me a lot of new chords. It's made a big difference." River was Raven's older brother and also Leah's fiancé.

Jacob came out from under the hood when he heard my voice. "So Rachel. Been flying much?" he smirked sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I laughed blatantly, deliberately taunting him, satisfied with the knowledge that he was still bent out of shape over the volleyball game.

He chased me around the car until he caught me and rubbed his greasy knuckles into the top of my scalp. Something I had done to him several times when he was little. No chance of that anymore. "Stop it Jake!" I squealed, ineffectively attempting to fight him off.

He let go of me. "I know you put Paul up to that yesterday. He's not smart enough to come up with anything on his own."

I'd gladly take the blame for Paul anytime. "Well you know what they say about paybacks," I smarted.

"Yup, and you remember that next time because I'm armed and dangerous." He grinned sinisterly, tilting his head toward a cardboard box in the corner of the garage. "I found some of your things when I was moving that old dresser out of the bedroom."

I approached the box leery of what I would find. I peeked inside and was surprised to see my journal setting right on top. "You read my journal!" I gasped, instantly becoming furious. I clenched my fists as my face went hot.

Jacob cackled annoyingly, poking his head back under the hood of the car.

"I told him not to," Raven chimed in, eager to clear herself.

I unclenched my fists, stretching my hands, and took a few deep breaths saying to my self, _how bad could it be?_ as I opened the journal to find out what kind of awkward and embarrassing situations I foolishly recorded.

The memories came flooding back. It was my dream journal. My mom helped me start writing in it when I was a little girl. Every time I had a bad night I crept into my parent's bedroom and climbed in to bed beside her. She always made room, welcoming me in.

_One night, I woke up screaming and crying. I don't remember what the dream was about but I do remember being terrified. She came into my room and scooped me into her arms. "How come I'm the only one with really scary dreams? No one else in the house ever has them," I wailed, "Rebecca says she never dreams at all."_

_"Everyone does. She just doesn't remember them as well as you do. Some people sleep harder than others," she explained with her musically soothing voice. "You're actually a very lucky girl to be able to dream so vividly, and to be able to remember them that well. Do you want to know why?"_

_I shook my head up and down as she wiped the tears from my eyes._

_"Dreams can be very helpful tools in discovering hidden things about your self. Do you understand what I'm talking about?"_

_"No." I shook my head back in forth, pouting._

_"If you have a problem, dreams can help you find the answer. I know because my dreams have helped me find a lot of answers in my life. They've also warned me about hidden dangers. Sometimes I can see my parents and grandparents in mine. It makes me happy because I see them more clearly than I can remember them in my mind."_

_"But they're not alive. Doesn't that scare you?"_

_"They're alive in my dreams, and they would never scare me. Once I figured out what dreams really were, they've never frightened me again. I think if we write down all of yours. We can find out what they are, where they might be coming from, and make them go away."_

That was the beginning of my dream journal. I got all choked up; my eye's watering at the memory of my mom. I missed her terribly.

"Rachel, are you okay?" Raven asked, and called out, "Jaake!"

Jacob came back out from under the hood. "Rachel, are you crying? I only read a couple of the really weird ones. Hey. You know I was only kidding. You know that don't you? I would never mention anything personal about you to anyone," he stammered regretfully.

"I know you wouldn't." I wiped the tears from my eyes and half smiled, feeling self-conscious. "Just getting a little misty thinking about Mom."

"I know exactly how you feel. I miss her too," he sympathized, stepping toward me and giving me a hug.

"Thanks." I sighed. "Anyway I'll be in the house. When you have a minute, I need to talk to you about something," I said as I left the garage.

I wanted to talk to him in private because he always got upset whenever I told him I didn't need a shadow.

It didn't take long. Jacob came right inside the house, grabbed a chair from the kitchen table, and sat directly in front of me, stoically. Liam was watching TV. Jacob asked him to give us a few minutes.

And I thought _I_ was the one who wanted to speak to him. He acted like he was older than the mountains sometimes, definitely older than me sometimes. I suppose it's all the responsibility he shoulders.

As soon as Liam walked outside, Jacob started in. "So you heard about what's going on huh? It could be nothing. We had to check it out anyway."

"This is La Push. We're perfectly safe here in La Push, Jake," I said, making sure my voice sounded calm and reasonable. My concern was Liam, Journey, and all the other teenage wolves that constantly had to give up their Saturdays in vain.

He leaned back in the chair, locking his fingers behind his head. "I know what you're going to say Rachel but we can't do it," he staunchly affirmed, "unless... you can remember who the vampire was after?" He raised his eyebrows waiting for my answer.

"Jake. I already told you. I don't think the vampire was after anyone." I pulled my eyebrows together irritated to be going through the same conversation again. Jacob's face did the same and I knew he was just as aggravated as I was.

He breathed deeply, purposely relaxing his facial muscles into a softer appearance. "If we knew for sure the vampire was after Kim, nobody would have to follow _you_ around."

"I honestly don't think he was," I responded, quickly adding, "but he wasn't after me either."

"Brady tells a different story."

I shrugged, shaking my head. "I don't know why Brady says that."

"Why is it that you and Kim can't remember anything? Were they giving you something?"

Flashback. _"Get her to drink this," Nekoy whispered to me, pouring steaming liquid from a silver metal thermos into one of the Styrofoam cups on the table._

_"What is it?" I asked._

_"Its Sitka Valerian tea, made from the root of the plant. It has powerful tranquilizing effects. It'll keep her calm. It's the best I could do. My choices were limited. I also found some cascade hops. The combination should work well."_

_"Is that where you went?" I uttered unsteadily, shook-up and muddled from the near death experience I had just survived._

_"I wasn't too far from the complex, gathering the plants when I heard the commotion. Sorry I left. I only wanted to help her," he said tilting his head toward Kim. "I won't leave you again."_

_I fixed a sandwich for Kim and woke her up to eat. "Ra-Rachel, d-do you think they will find us?" she stuttered. They were the first words she had spoken since we had arrived._

_"I'm sure of it," I boldly stated. Nowhere near as confident as I was trying to sound. Nekoy had said that whoever was in charge was expecting to keep us there over a week. I was already dreading the days to come. "It's too cold in here Kim. Drink this tea. It'll warm you."_

_She took the tea without asking any questions. Kim timidly nibbled on her sandwich and drank the tea that I gave her. Every time Nekoy moved she jumped. Her eyes were glaring with mistrust, and she wouldn't take them off him for a second. He knew she was afraid of him so he never opened his mouth to speak while she was awake. Sooner than I expected, she gave into her drowsiness. Laying herself on the mattress, she drifted off to sleep._

"Rachel. Were they feeding you something?" Jacob sharply repeated.

"I don't know. Maybe." I shook my head again. "No. I don't think they were."

Frustration broke through Jacob's facade and he threw his arms in the air, abruptly standing up. "He was with both of you constantly! We find it hard to believe that he never spoke a word to either of you, considering his infatuation."

I nearly voiced, _he didn't have an infatuation,_ but that would have revealed to him that I knew more about Nekoy than I was letting on.

If I would have told any of them that Nekoy was kind to us and actually saved our lives. They would only have assumed he did it because he really did have a so called _thing_ for someone. And if they thought that someone was me, I was certain that they would force me to tell them everything I knew, which happened to be that Nekoy was somewhere in the Canadian Rockies. At least that's where he had planned on going, near a town called Golden. I'd have no choice but to tell. Think of the presumptions that would have been made if I refused to answer their questions. I couldn't do that to Paul. I also couldn't let them find Nekoy. I owed him that much.

"I'm sorry Jake. I don't know what else to say." I turned away, my stomach twisting from the culpability of the flat out lie I was about to tell him. "If I did know something, don't you think I would have told Paul already, told you both?"

Jacob raised his voice agitated. "Then how in the _hell_ could you even _think_ about not having someone around to protect you? They took you from La Push the last time! Do you even care that he's still roaming around out there? Do you even want us to find him?"

"Jeez Jake. Of course I care!" I answered raising my voice in return, hoping I sounded convincing. "Forget it then. Forget that I brought it up. They can follow me around all they want, and I _won't _bring it up again."

"They want!" he repeated, stretching the words with a gritty, sour tone in his voice. He sat back down on the chair, looked me straight in the eyes, and very discernibly said, "that's just it Rachel. Why don't _you _want?"

My heart skipped, and I felt my face twitch. I panicked, briefly breaking eye contact, speechless.

A spasm of betrayal tweaked his expression before he stood up and walked out the door, angrily slamming it shut behind him. The entire house vibrated. "Don't let her out of your sight, Liam," he grumbled loudly, stomping off the porch.

My heart bounced nervously as I realized. I completely blew it!

Of all people, you would think that Jacob would be the person to understand that a vampire could be decent.

If there was a way to explain things to them without appearing to be a victim of Stockholm Syndrome (the syndrome in which the hostage is brainwashed to side with the captors) I could have convinced them that Nekoy wasn't a threat.

I had flirted with the notion of telling _all_ before. After several months of playing their possible reactions out in my mind, I grew weary and decided; silence and avoidance were the best solutions. There was just no way of talking about Nekoy without making the situation worse.


	5. Wish for Understanding

**A/N **_Hi All! I know these chapters are coming up quite fast at the moment, but I wanted to catch up to where I am on another site that I am posting on. After this chapter I will be updating once a week. Thanks for reading! _=)_  
_

**Chapter 4**

_**Wish for Understanding**_

The expression on Jacob's face haunted me for the rest of the day. On one hand, I felt extremely bad for lying to him. On the other hand, I was furious at him for making me feel like I was in the wrong for protecting someone that didn't deserve his wrath; someone who didn't deserve to die.

Patience had never been a virtue of Jake's—especially for members of his own family. Once upon a time he ran around La Push with a broken heart, lashing out at everyone who crossed his path with no remorse whatsoever. We were all expected to give him his space and mind our own business. He didn't have much kindness in his heart _at all_ in those days, and what kindness he did have was all showered on Bella.

I went away to school and left this happy, outgoing, pesky little brother behind. When I came home, there was a six-seven, fully grown man with a huge gash in his heart and a giant chip on his shoulder, sitting in his place.

At that time, I was still in the dark about the existence of vampires and shapeshifters.

My first night home, after Billy went to bed, we sat outside on the porch drinking hot chocolate, reminiscing about our childhood and catching up with each other.

Somewhere in the night, between the laughter of missing teeth and funny haircuts and the tears over losing our mother, Jacob opened up to me. He talked freely about his love for Bella, his desperation, and his heartache. I had assumed he confided in me because I was the next best thing to our mom—maybe he did—and he had suffered in silence for so long. Knowing what I know now, I think that he confided in me because he was able to let go of himself in a way that he wasn't able to do with the guys always listening to him.

When it all came out, it didn't just trickle out; it flooded out—painfully. Seeing the tears falling from my little brother's eyes and the anguish on his face was one of the saddest sights I'd ever been a witness to. I remembered praying that Bella would find it in her heart to love him as much as he loved her for _his _sake. When she didn't, I was so angry that someone took my happy-go-lucky baby brother and twisted him in to a bitter, mean, hostile person; however, when he kept going back I was forced to admit that he was to blame.

As much as I had wished he'd grow a backbone and as much as I wanted to slap him upside the head and tell him to wise up, I kept my opinions to myself. I defended him when he outraged Sam, Paul, and the others, by siding with his friends over his family; vampires to boot.

He forgot all the understanding, patience, and space I had allowed him when he was—what I considered to be—unconscionably hurting.

The more I thought about it. I decided I was more infuriated than guilty.

He put us through hell. Nevertheless, we all stood by him. He deserted us, broke up the pack, and was prepared to die, all in the name of a vampire, yet, he egotistically believed that he was the only person with enough wisdom to discern the right course of action to take when dealing with one, whether they lived or died.

Paul finally walked through the door. He took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I could see it in his eyes. It was then that I realized my brows were pinched with frustration and I was frowning. I immediately widened my eyes, wiping the look from my face.

Protective concern flowed from him, clothing me in a blanket of security. I stood up, put my arms around him and kissed him distractively, trying to deter the question that was coming. He pulled away, lifted my chin, and looked at me intensely. "What happened?"

"You mean you don't know already?" I moped.

He shook his head back and forth. "I just now got back from Seattle. We were all over that crowded city today. Now tell me."

"It was just a bad day. I don't want to re-hash it," I said, falling back and sinking into my overly soft, charcoal, plush loveseat. I already knew Paul would side with Jacob, and I couldn't afford to let him glimpse what Jacob might have saw; that I wasn't telling them the entire truth. The sharp instincts of the wolf were a nuisance sometimes.

"Not good enough," he said, sitting down next to me with a penetrating stare and waiting for the story.

"I just don't think anyone should have to waste their time on me, that's all. It makes me feel bad that they have to follow me around all the time, so I mentioned it to Jacob again."

"Are you kidding me?" Paul looked at me like I was out of my mind. "Keeping you and Kim safe isn't a waste of anyone's time. As long as that bloodsucker is out there, everyone is happy to keep an eye on you. I know exactly what they're all thinking, remember?"

"I knew you were going to say that. That's why I didn't want to mention it." I could hear the discouraged tone in my own voice.

"Did you have an argument?"

"No … but the conversation didn't end on a good note."

"I'm sorry I can't be more sympathetic of your feelings for you, Rachel. Your protection is something Jacob and I totally agree on, one hundred percent … hell, we all do."

Still feeling gloomy, I didn't answer.

He lifted my chin again, "Okay?" he asked, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Okay." I nodded, forcing a smile.

He looked relieved that whatever was bothering me wasn't more serious. I felt relieved that my conversation with him didn't go anywhere near where it had went with Jacob.

"You know what though? If I moved in here permanently you could shake loose some of the other guys." He winked playfully, his eyes glistening brightly. "Yep. I definitely think that's an angle we can take to Billy."

His smile warmed every inch of me, immediately freeing my spirits of the dejection that had bothered me all day long. He made me feel so good all the time. It was like being submerged in a gigantic swell of unconditional love, with endless waves of passion and devotion, embracing me to my very core. Our special connection yielded a comfort and togetherness exponentially more perfect than I could have ever imagined possible.

"I will most definitely take that angle to Billy." I sighed happily, snuggling up to him and letting the heat of his body relax me. "But if that doesn't work, school is almost out and I'll have the entire summer free to spend with you."

"Can't wait!" he grinned, and kissed me tenderly. "Glad you're feeling better."

When Paul left, my thoughts drifted back to the betrayed look on Jacob's face. I wondered what he would have said if I would have told him that I was the onegiving Kim something to put her to sleep. I had to. There was just no other way.

_Nekoy had asked Tony to check on the wolf in the cage at my request. They were drugging him to keep him sleeping, supposedly for his own good. When Tony left the room, he let the heavy door bang shut way too loudly._

_After having cried herself to sleep again, Kim woke from the echo of the banged door. She started screaming hysterically. I cupped my hand over her mouth as fast as I could, pleading with her to calm down._

_Tony rushed back through the door, shouting, "What's wrong!"_

_She shook me off her, continuing to shriek at the sight of Tony. She was losing it. Nekoy grabbed a hold of her, placing his icy hand over her mouth. She froze, paralyzed with fear for a second. Then she began wailing loudly, reaching for me and putting her head on my shoulder._

_"Sh-," I hushed. I could hear others approaching and standing outside the door. Nekoy and Tony stood motionless, relatively defensive in front of it, until whoever was on the other side finally walked away._

_Kim kept sobbing loudly, the intensity of the moment growing with each and every second that past. Goose bumps broke out on my arms as I frantically tried to quiet her in the way you would if your child had a tantrum in public, and all eyes were focused on you. Something bad was going to happen if she didn't quiet down, I could feel it. "Please Kim. Stop crying."_

_"Tony stay in here with the girls," Nekoy directed, "I'll return as soon as possible."_

_I wasn't sure about Tony and I panicked. Jumping to my feet, I threw myself around Nekoy, "Please don't leave us!" I begged._

_His eyes widened with shock from my reaction. Placing his cold hands on both sides of my shoulders, he met my terrified eyes. "I'll be back soon," he assured then dashed out the door._

_Kim continued sobbing. She was really out of control and didn't seem to care about anything I said to her._

_I heard a clinking sound. My sight focused on the door knob, waiting for it to turn. Tony fixed his eyes on it as well then signaled for me to take Kim into the bathroom. I did, barely resisting the urge to start screaming and crying myself._

_I heard the door knob pop. Several crashes jolted the room. The entire building vibrated with the loud commotion. I recognized Tony's voice, shouting, "No" then felt a couple of aftershocks._

_Unthinking, I rushed back into the room with tunnel vision. There was a vampire standing in the doorway with red eyes. His lips were curled up over his teeth and venom was dripping from his mouth like a rabid animal. He flew at me faster than I could see. Gripping my eyes shut tightly, I braced myself for the impact. Suddenly the building shook violently again, and I realized that Nekoy had slammed the vampire out of the room, and into a metal beam visible through the opened doorway. The same kind of commotion ensued, shaking the building explosively like there was an earthquake. _

_Boisterous snickers came from the other vampires._

_"Enough!" George shouted. It immediately grew silent._

_"What's the matter with all of you?" Thomas hollered. "You know the guests are not to be harmed, yet you all stand around waiting for someone to do it, hoping to receive some of the leftovers," he furiously scolded._

_A buzzing sound commenced to grow stridently in my head. The edges of my vision began to whiteout, and my legs wobbled. I recognized the feeling; I was about to faint. Falling to the mattress and burying my face into it, I huffed deeply until the feeling went away. I felt Nekoy's icy hand on my back, patting me the way I did with Kim. I couldn't contain myself any longer. I didn't care what he was. I sat up, flung my arms around him, and broke apart crying, my entire body shaking vehemently._

_A quality about him, reminded me of someone that I knew but I couldn't quite make the connection. He felt uncannily familiar. "It's all right he won't be coming back. I made certain of it," he re-assured, patting my head soothingly._

_I heard George tell someone to take Pete outside and get rid of him. He told someone else to get a lock for the door._

_"These guests serve a very important purpose. Consider this a warning…anyone who gets the same idea as our friend Pete will also share his fate. There is more than enough game in these mountains to feed you all. If you can't control your human blood thirst its best you stay somewhere else until we leave. It's only a matter of time."_

_I pulled away looking directly at Nekoy. "Thank you," I squeaked as I stood up to go check on Kim._

_She was sitting on the bathroom floor, still crying, and covering her ears with the palms of her hands. I helped her up and took her back to the mattress. She curled up again, closing her eyes._

_Tony returned a short while later, holding a metal thermos filled with something hot._

_"I found the thermos in the kitchen," he whispered, handing it to Nekoy. "Are they okay?" His strangely pale facial skin was creased with concern. At that moment, I realized he was just as noble as Nekoy._

_"Thank you, Tony," I said, choking back my tears. I felt grateful and indebted to both of them._

_Tony heaved a sigh. "You were right, Nekoy. We don't belong here."_

_My stomach knotted up, and I shifted uncomfortably, feeling hurt at Tony's regret and scared that they might leave us. I swallowed the lump in my throat._

_Nekoy threw him an angry look._

_He cringed realizing what he had just said, and apologized. "I didn't mean that. I'm glad we're here for you. I just don't like what's happening. It bothers me more than I thought it would…" When I didn't respond, he said, "I'll sit outside the door and wait for the lock, Nekoy." He left the room closing the door behind him._

Climbing into bed after my emotionally tensed day, I decided that I would leave things alone from then on, and not worry about my shadows or Nekoy. Jacob and Sam could continue doing what they believed to be best. I reminded myself that they would never find Nekoy anyway, because he would never be in the area.

My first regular dream of Nekoy surfaced. It wasn't real vivid or clear, just different.

_We were horseback riding in a yellow prairie meadow. It was spring. The sun was shining vibrantly. Nekoy briskly raced ahead of me. I kicked my horse twice and it began to gallop after him. Nekoy looked back, smiling and finally tugging his horse to a trot. I ran my horse beside him and slowed, laughing. We rode to a creek surrounded by a few trees and bushes. Nekoy hopped off his horse and tied it to a tree. Then he reached his arms up to me, and lifted me down from my horse. He was beaming with cheerfulness, and so was I. _

What struck me as odd upon waking was that never … ever in my entire life … had I been on a horse.


	6. Uninvited Emotions

**Chapter 5**

_**Uninvited Emotions **_

School ended for summer vacation, and I had volunteered to be the librarian during summer school one day a week, making me aware of just how much we needed to revamp our current reading program. I was in the library surfing the net for vases and planters.

We only had a couple weeks left before Leah's wedding. It was crunch time. We girls were getting together nearly every day to help with the arrangements.

Leah wanted natural earthy vases for the flower arrangements; I had elected myself to find the very best. I came across some very unique natural wood planters that looked like logs and were absolutely gorgeous. I was hoping to find some rocky textured vases as well. I didn't mind if I had to spray paint them the precise color; Paul promised to help me.

Leah had asked Raven to be her Maid of Honor which didn't surprise me in the least. They were a lot alike and seemed more like best friends than future in-laws. I had gotten the impression that Emily assumed she would be the Maid of Honor since she and Leah were cousins and all. Aside from the slight startled expression that briefly appeared when Leah made the announcement, if Emily was terribly disappointed, she didn't let on. She had a lot of class that way.

I was away at college when I first heard about Sam and Emily. To put it mildly, it really pissed me off. I was furious with Sam, truly disgusted. Oh, how I wanted to murder him! Leah and I had grown up together, and I knew how much she loved him.

I remembered when he took her to our Junior-Senior Prom. She was the only underclassman invited by an upperclassman, so naturally she was the envy of all the other girls her age. The two of them were genuinely in love with each other. We were all certain that they would get married some day and be together forever.

The next thing I knew, Sam was with Leah's close cousin Emily. My heart broke so much for Leah that I actually cried just thinking about it. I couldn't imagine how anyone could possibly get past something so awful. As soon as I had found out, I called her house to comfort her. She was absolutely devastated; she couldn't even speak about it. Not to me, my sister, or any of our other friends.

I nearly called Sam to find out just what the hell he thought he was doing but Billy told me not to. I did interrogate Jacob though, and he eventually confessed some of what he knew just to stop my nagging.

He told me that Sam felt really bad about the situation and that Emily was helping him through the break-up. Outraged, I completely blew up at him, wondering what kind of person would care more about the ex-boyfriend of her so called _favorite_ cousin than the cousin she was supposed to love. If anything, she should have been helping Leah through the break-up!

I came home from college totally prepared to hate Emily.

Then I ran in to Paul on the beach—the best day in my life—and an entirely different world opened up to me. I could no longer blame Emily for the way she felt about Sam.

Emily was a sweet, caring person. I was glad I had the chance to understand the true story behind her and Sam's relationship and to get to know the real Emily. Most of our old schoolmates including my sister, Rebecca, didn't have that privilege, so Emily continued to look like the bad guy. Leah spent a lot of time defending Emily and trying to convince people that she truly didn't mind what happened. If everyone was able see how Leah looked at River, they would have known that she and Sam's past was a non-issue.

It was hard to believe that there was once so much heartbreak and pain floating around La Push back then.

As I sat clicking on various web pages, the rough sound of a fake cough echoed throughout the empty hallway. I glanced toward the door just as Jacob strolled in.

"Hi," I said, long and drawn out, smiling half-heartedly. The reason for his visit worried me. Since our last discussion, I had been avoiding him. It was really my own culpability that was keeping me away from him, but I'm sure it didn't look that way to him.

"Hey sis … I know you've been avoiding me lately. I just wanted to apologize for getting a little upset with you the other day. It's not your fault you're too frightened to remember anything about your captivity."

The sincerity in his eyes had me imploding with guilt. I was also very touched by his thoughtful gesture to apologize.

"Thanks," I said, allowing myself to relax and smile more sincerely. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have complained about my protectors. I'm lucky to have them." There I was again, putting up another charade.

"I hate to pry, but how are you? With the nightmares, I mean," he asked, pulling up a chair beside me."

_Ah ha!_

He was attempting to find the answers to his questions from my dreams. I chalked it up to him getting a peek at my dream journal. I had to admit, my little brother could be pretty clever; although, I would have been a lot prouder if I wasn't the person he was trying to pick apart.

I hadn't had a nightmare about being brutally attacked in weeks. Just several, what I now considered as being, routine dreams. All of which Nekoy was present and keeping me safe. I left the latter out. The dreams weren't lucid nor were they as memorable as the first couple of dreams I had had about him.

"I haven't had a nightmare for a few weeks now. Knock on wood." I said, knocking on the wooden bookshelf to the right of me. Finally, I could reply with the truth.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. What were they about anyway?" he said, getting straight to the point. "You never said before and I never asked."

_Oh, oh, here comes round two._

Taking time to weigh his possible conclusions to my possible answers, I cautiously responded. "Have you ever had a dream that appears so clear and tangible that you actually think it's really happening while you're dreaming it?"

Deflecting his question by asking him one of my own was the best I could come up with in the spur of the moment. I couldn't tell him my nightmares were about my being attacked because it might have led him to discover that I really was attacked. Followed by how I managed to survive it in the first place.

"Now that you mention it, I have had dreams like that. The ones I have of Embry. They feel totally real." He paused then softly confessed. "Sometimes I think they are real."

His answer was perfect. Since he seemed to understand what I meant, I was able to explain why they frightened me as much as they did without going into any of the details. "Well those are what my nightmares are like. I think they're real at the time. It feels as if I'm back in that awful room going through every single terrified moment all over again. That's what makes them so horrifying."

He scrunched his eyebrows together and stroked his chin with his fingers, ultimately relaxing his expression into a combination of understanding and displeasure. "I can relate to that," he said, nodding his head. "I'm really glad you haven't had any lately. Sorry for bringing it up, but I thought it might shed some light on why you both can't remember anything.

"You know Rachel … you could talk to me about anything," he said, staring at me deeply as he stood up to leave.

I shook my head up and down, wishing it were true.

"I better see you and Paul at the volleyball game tonight," he smirked, changing the subject.

"So that's the real reason for your visit. Got something up your sleeves huh?" I halfway joked, wondering what it could be.

"How about we call a truce? I just miss hanging out with you guys," he candidly stated.

I grinned. It was one of those moments when a sister thinks, _I actually have a pretty cool little brother. _"Since you delivered the invitation in person, we'll make sure to be there."

* * *

We had a great time playing volleyball. After we finished, we all sat around a small campfire, talking about random things and just hanging out.

There was always a hearty concentration of heartwarming serenity in the atmosphere when all the couples were gathered together. It was unreal. Even though I was a part of it all, I still considered the connections that we had with our significant others to be fantastically amazing.

We stayed out, enjoying the togetherness until the night sky began to crackle, lighting and thunder, dropping cold hints of the nearing storm.

I finally realized that knocking on wood had the opposite effect for me.

_I sat comfortably on the ground near a small cozy campfire, under a bright full-moon with a thousand stars surrounding it. The night sky was breathtaking. There were people sitting on both sides of me, although, I couldn't make out their faces. Nevertheless, I felt totally at ease._

_A warm pair of familiar hands covered my eyes. I didn't have to see his face to know who it was. My tummy fluttered excitedly. He sat down behind me, gently tugging my body backward and folding himself around me tightly. He pressed his cheek against mine. I turned my head toward him and we softly kissed_—_the perfect kiss. I was overwhelmed with a fiery sensation of complete love and devotion as I opened my eyes to see a strong beautiful Nekoy gazing back at me. _

In the dream, events felt completely natural. I belonged there with him and I wished the moment could last forever.

Reflecting on the dream for a few minutes upon waking, I tossed and turned uncomfortably. Then I jumped up, ran into the restroom, and splashed cold water on my face. Even though the dream wasn't lucid, it really freaked me out.

Paul hadn't stayed the night because he had to pick parts up in Seattle again. I called him anyway, feeling mostly relief but slightly disappointed when he answered the phone. "Sorry to wake you. I know you have an early day but would you please come over here." My voice broke, and I felt sick to my stomach.

In a voice rickety with worry, he said, "sure. I'll be right there."

That freaky Freudian dream left me seriously shaken. I bundled a blanket around myself and sat curled up on the couch, waiting for Paul to arrive.

"Rachel. I'm here," Paul muttered. The couch caved slightly as he sat down and scooted me into his arms.

Opening my eyes, I realized I had dozed off. The first thing I detected was alarm etched over Paul's entire face. Not wanting to see the concerned look in his eyes, I tried to focus on all his other features. I felt sick with guilt over the dream.

The next thing I knew, my tears were steadily dripping and my face was buried into his neck.

Paul's body was trembling subtly. "Can you tell me what's wrong?" he asked, his tone sweet concern.

How could I? When the reason behind the sad discomfort and the tears was the fact that the dream didn't bother me the way that I thought it should have. More disturbingly, feelings that were present in the dream materialized in my waking state, and for a few minutes afterward, I had longed for Nekoy.

Trying to get a grip, I pulled my head away wiping my tears. "A b-bad dream," I stuttered, restlessly catching my breath as I attempted to untangle my jumbled thoughts.

I didn't understand why I would dream such a thing. I didn't understand why I would feel the way I did when I awoke. All I knew was that I had this sudden urgency to be with Paul. He was the true love of my life.

Then why did I need to see him to prove it to myself?

Keeping my indebtedness to Nekoy a secret was shaking up my conscience, mixing with my dreams, and messing with my mind.

Usually when I had a nightmare, I woke up frightened and sweaty. As soon as I was awake, I recovered instantly, I rarely dwelled on it for more than an hour, and I never cried. Paul witnessed my reactions over and over again and he was already aware that I never dreamt about the missing vampire. It's how he recognized the difference.

His entire demeanor swelled with certainty and I knew that he knew. "You were dreaming about _him_ weren't you?" he stated, gently cupping my face in the palms of his hands—all of his senses appearing finely tuned to my response as he stared directly into my eyes. His own eyes sparked full of love and support.

There was nothing to deny. I nodded my head up and down frailly with the understanding that he assumed the image of Nekoy frightened me to death. More tears fell from knowing I was giving him the absolute wrong impression. He lightly wiped them away with his thumbs. "Everything's okay. You're safe. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." There was no possibility of sharing that dream with him, unless I made something up, and I wasn't going to do that.

Paul never pressured me about anything. When I told him the vampire didn't have an infatuation with me, he believed me and left it alone. At least, I always thought that he did.

Gulping, I murmured, "I seriously overreacted and I don't want to think about it." I placed my arms back around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder, hugging him tightly.

"Okay. I'm here now and I'm staying, so try to get some sleep," he said, lifting me up and carrying me back into the bedroom.

The crackling rumble of thunder shook me awake. The room was dull and dreary, and the rain was splattering hard and loud against the window pane. Paul was standing by it looking out. It was water shrouded and way too blurry to see anything. Obviously, he was deep in thought about the previous night's occurrence.

After the fog in my head cleared, I glanced at the clock. "You didn't go to Seattle!" I shrieked, sitting up; mad at myself for my melodramatics.

He turned toward me with an expression draped in inquiry. "Hold on, first things first. You were pretty disturbed last night." He said it like a statement but I knew it was a question. He sat down beside me.

I blinked a couple of times before lowering my head and replying, "I think it's because I haven't had a nightmare in so many weeks. It really shook me up." My insides tumbled with nerves as I lifted my head to look him in the eyes, feeling like a despicable liar. But I couldn't tell him anything else. All I wanted to do was forget about the stupid dream.

"Are you sure? Judging by the tears, I thought you remembered something important." Stretching out each word distinctly, he reminded. "You. Specifically. Said. It was about _him_."

The rattle of impatience sounded in his voice and agitation flickered throughout the typical lax disposition I was accustomed, revealing a hint of Paul's recklessness.

Evidently, I had just poured a ton of gas on the fire to find Nekoy for no good reason. After all, it was my dream not Nekoy's. My head thumped from tension.

_Stupid, stupid dream … stupid Rachel!_

"I just saw him in the dream. That's it," I strongly asserted. "And you can't tell Jacob and Sam either. Jacob will badger me to death. It was probably his fault I had the damn nightmare anyway. He was asking me questions again yesterday."

_It could have been the cause. _

"Yeah … I heard him saying something about that to Sam," Paul disclosed, lounging in to a more relaxed posture. "You have to understand, babe, we'll never be able to ease up on you and Kim until he's found. The sooner the better. You'll rest easier. We all will."

"I can't tell him the things he wants to know and he always makes me feel worse." I carefully explained. Really meaning, I won't tell him the things he wants to know and that's what makes me feel worse. It wasn't a lie, just a misleading truth. That left a sick curdled taste in my mouth just the same.

"I should have followed him when I had the chance." Paul groaned, shaking his head at himself angrily.

I lowered my head and rubbed my temples.

My perspective concerning Nekoy needed some serious re-evaluation.

Paul sighed heavily. Softening his demeanor, he took hold of both my hands. "I'll try not to think about last night when they're around, okay? But we've got to find him."

He bent slightly tilting his head to see my face until I straightened up and stretched my lips into a closed smile. He placed his forehead against mine and peered into my eyes. "I'll never let anything happen to you," he vowed.

I leaned my head on his shoulder feeling drained and heavy with guilty worries.

"Now about Seattle." He smiled. "My dad went this time instead so I could stay with you all day today."

"I'm glad.," I said, feeling the need to stay close to him as well.

A high-pitched horn honked a few times outside of my apartment. I looked out the window and spotted Billy parked in the driveway. "Shoot! It's Billy."

"I'll go talk to him," Paul offered.

Paul and Billy got along decently, but when it came to me and my reputation, Billy could be as ferocious as mama bear protecting its cub. I wasn't going to let Paul take the blame when I was the one who had called him over. "No. I'll do it," I said, sliding my feet into my slippers and throwing on a long flannel over coat.

I hurried through the rain and jumped into Billy's truck. "Sorry Dad. I asked Paul to come over last night," I boldly stated.

He looked more concerned than upset. "We know. I'm just here to see if you're okay," he explained. "Jake heard Paul racing over here last night feeling panicked. Do you want to tell me why?"

"I had a disturbing nightmare. I didn't want to be alone. That's all."

"Rachel, it's been long enough. You should think about talking to someone," he suggested seriously.

I threw my head back and laughed. "How am I supposed to do that, Dad? I can't tell anyone about vampires. They'll have me locked up!"

"Of course not, and I wasn't talking about a professional. I was talking about your sister. She says you hardly speak to her anymore."

He was right. I hadn't talked with her in months and, considering how close we used to be, I could see how that would upset him. Family was everything to Billy, even more so after my mom passed away as unexpectedly as she did.

I leaned my head against the window while Billy preached about staying close and making time for family because time was precious and death was unpredictable, waiting for him to finish.

When it was my turn, I complained, "It's too hard to confide in her these days. There's so much of my life I'm not allowed to tell her. I always end up tiptoeing around our entire conversations and it gets pretty stressful."

"Where there's a will, there's a way," Billy quoted. "I found a way to keep in touch with both of you without giving out all the hairy, scary details. Call the vampires, thugs, bad guys, dream demons or whatever, just talk to your sister."

I thought about it for a few minutes then promised Billy that I'd call Rebecca soon, figuring a confidant might be just what I needed to help me sort through my latest troubles. Heaven knows, I could have definitely used a sounding board about _that_ dream.

"Jake and Sam have been attending the sweat ceremonies," Billy mentioned. "Everyone's focusing all their energy on finding the missing vampire for you."

"Really?" I said, pretending to be interested then listening absent-mindedly.

"This younger generation doesn't grasp the importance of keeping our ceremonial traditions alive. It can be powerful medicine if it's done in the right state of mind. But it takes a lot of fasting and praying to get to that level of spiritual awareness. Strong meditation is the key. Jacob and Sam aren't disciplined enough right now, but they'll get there." Billy continued, "I told Jake. Old Quil isn't always going to be around and neither am I. We need to pass the knowledge on and teach them the art before it's too late."

_Teaching the art,_ my mind drifted with the words_. _

_Kim woke up for a little while so Nekoy kept his distance and stayed quiet just like he did every time she was awake. She was unbelievable groggy and soon fell back to sleep without a crying spell. Thank goodness for the tea!_

_When Kim was completely out again, Nekoy said in what I thought was a sulk, "she's absolutely terrified of me. I don't blame her though. I understand how dangerous and intimidating knowing what I am can be."_

_His distant frown was noticeable. "Does that bother you? I mean … someone fearing you," I asked, turning to look at him._

_He looked away briefly before nodding his head up and down. "It does … a little bit, because its not who I am mentally." He sighed. "Physically, I'm a literal blood thirsty monster. People should fear me."_

_"I did at first," I admitted, speaking bluntly. "But I trusted you before you even asked me to ... I just wanted you to know that."_

_I slid myself closer and leaned up against the wall beside him. Probably to prove, I meant what I was saying. "I don't fear you, and I don't see a monster either. You saved my life. I only see a friend."_

_"Thank you, Rachel. I'm glad to hear it." He grinned contently. "I have to admit though. This is the first time humans have ever known what I am. Normally, they see something far more pleasant."_

_I gave his remark some thought. If I didn't know vampires existed, what would have been my first impression of him?_

_Inconspicuously, I combed over his entire appearance. His features were perfectly chiseled. He had a suave persona that was to be admired. _

_I decided that I would recognize his superiority over the average male and that there was something different about him, but I wouldn't have had a clue that he was a vampire. After all, they're not supposed to exist._

_Kim shifted several times mumbling, but didn't wake. "Wow. That stuff really works. How did you know about it?" I asked_

_"My grandfather was an e'shkukinIsnage, a medicine man_—_very skilled. People talked that he was so powerful he could put himself in two places at once. Some claimed to have seen him do it, although, I never did. Whenever I asked him about it, he always answered me with a laugh." Nekoy's eyes shimmered pleasantly at the memory. "I didn't find out the truth until my transformation. I gathered medicines for him regularly. He was teaching me the art."_

As Billy spoke, I thought, _powerful medicine—powerful medicine man._


	7. Impractical Ideas

**Chapter 6**

_**Impractical Ideas**_

My dreams did a complete one-eighty, landing exactly on the opposite side of where they had begun a year ago. I began dealing with some strangely _familiar_ dream settings, starring Nekoy as the lead Romeo. It was almost as if I was living a double life.

Occasionally, the dream would be saturated with passion and get very hot.

Though not a shock anymore, there had been a time or two when the lingering feelings of love and attraction left over from the dreams were so thick that, upon waking, it was difficult to look directly into Paul's eyes. On those instances, I could tell that he felt the wedge between us, too, but for whatever reason, he didn't mention it. Everything always went back to normal just as soon as I touched or kissed him. And a lot of that went on when I woke up from one of those types of dreams. Maybe that was the reason he hadn't said anything about it. Yet.

For the most part though, the dreams were innocent and friendly just like this one.

_Nekoy and I were by a mountain stream. We were on our way to a waterfall that was up ahead. Skipping from flat rock to flat rock, __we had been __trying to get across the semi-gentle rushing water. Nekoy would jump first then hold his arm out to grab me when I jumped. We only had a couple more jumps to make before we reached the other side. _

_The gap from the second to the last rock was wider than the others had been. I had to take a slight run and leap. Landing with a little too much vigor, I fell into him. He staggered back, with both arms spread out and moving in a circular motion, trying to regain his balance. Wobbling, I reached out for him, but it was too late. He slipped off the rock and splashed into the cool, shallow water. It was hilarious. I couldn't hold back my laughter. He stood up soaking wet, grinning. Then he swiftly snatched my arm and jerked me into the stream with him._

I was hoping that my latest round of dreams was just another phase on the road to recovery. Still, it hadn't gotten any less confusing for me. That's why I decided to give Rebecca another call. The last time I had spoken to her, after the prompting Billy gave me, I couldn't bring myself to tell her anything about my dreams. But I really needed to talk to someone though.

When she didn't answer the phone, I decided not to leave a message just in case I had second thoughts about talking to her again.

Paul was out running his patrol and was supposed to come back to pick me up as soon as he was finished. The rocky textured vases had been delivered to his house, and he and I were going to spray paint them: some a sandy-beige and basic-gray color, and some a slated-gray color. We already had the trials and errors out of the way, so we were certain that the outcome was going to be perfect.

I had already finished cooking dinner and I was just waiting for him to return. Cooking wasn't one of my best talents, but I was getting better. Rarely did I burn anything anymore.

My first time cooking for him turned out to be a disgraceful disaster.

_We had only been together for a few weeks, and I really wanted to do something special for him. Running patrols always made him really hungry, so I decided to surprise him with a big breakfast. Billy had gone fishing that day and Jacob was missing in action. I made Paul promise me that he would come straight over to see me when he finished his run, insuring that he didn't go to his house to eat breakfast there as he usually did._

_Not surprisingly, red meat was his favorite. I had planned to make steak, eggs, and hash browns. Breakfast was coming along fine. I was putting on my make-up and fixing my hair in between checking on the food. That morning, my hair decided to play an evil trick on me, and I ended up having to fight with it._

_Pretty soon, I smelled something burning. The smoke alarm began to scream at full volume, and by the time I got into the kitchen, the hash browns were on fire. I smothered them with the top of the pan. Opaque, stinky, smoke quickly filled the house. I flew to the windows, opening them up. Then I grabbed a dishtowel and attempted to flag the smoke outside, hoping to clear the air before Paul arrived. _

_I figured he'd be satisfied with the steak and eggs, thus salvaging some of my surprise. As long as he didn't find out about the burnt hash browns, I'd call it a success and be happy. As luck would have it, though, Paul showed up a few minutes later, before I could clean up the mess and get rid of the smelly evidence._

_"What's going on?" he asked, wrinkling his nose from the charred stench loitering all over the entire house._

_The surprise was ruined and my heart sank. I covered my reddening face with my hands. "I wanted to surprise you," I coughed, with embarrassment._

_He gripped his lips together tightly, and I could tell that he was trying to keep himself from laughing. I snapped my eyes at him and turned away, fighting the urge to start blubbering, but a couple of tears escaped from the humiliation of it all._

_He put his arms around me from behind, kissed my neck, and turned me toward him, still halfway grinning. "Well don't cry, babe. It's the thought that counts. Besides, I think it's cute."_

_Adding to the mortification, Paul thought about it somewhere along the line. The next time I saw Jacob, he crowed, "Ellie May burnt the potatoes," doubling up with laughter. _

_Moreover, if Jacob knew than everyone else knew too._

_Even though I was aware that Paul didn't tell anyone on purpose, I was very upset with him. He felt terrible for Jacob's insensitivity and promised me that he would learn to control his thoughts better._

I dialed Rebecca's number again. She finally answered the phone. "Hi, sister," I said, feeling indecisive with my decision to call her.

"Rachel, I was just thinking about you. I'm glad you called." She sounded joyfully surprised.

"Me too, I really need to talk to you," I proclaimed in what I thought was a normal tone of voice.

Apparently, she knew otherwise.

"What's wrong … is something going on between you and Paul? Am I going to have to fly over there and kick the shit out of him?" she joked, seeming sort of serious. Rebecca was the feistier, aggressive one of us.

I giggled. "No, Paul and I are fine. I don't really have a problem to discuss. It's more like a concern. I wanted to hear your opinion on the matter."

"Good. I'm glad there's no problem. Now what's the concern?" she eagerly asked.

Words raced through my mind as I tried to come up with a way to approach the subject with her. Becoming quickly aware of how much we had drifted apart. I hesitated momentarily. We used to be able to talk about anything. There had never been an uncomfortable moment between us.

I decided to spit it right out before I changed my mind. "I've been dreaming about another guy," I blurted, pushing the words out of myself.

Silence followed. "Rebecca … are you there?" I asked, wondering what was going on in her mind.

She chuckled. "Yeah, I'm here. I just didn't expect that to be the concern."

"It does sound really stupid doesn't it?" My face, neck, and ears heated. Saying it out loud to someone close to me was troubling in itself. "That's why I almost didn't bring it up."

"Oh no, Rachel. If it's a concern of yours, it's a concern of mine," she said earnestly, using a very indulgent tone. "You could always tell me anything, no matter how stupid. Now give me some background on this guy."

"Well … I met him about a year ago, and I don't know him very well … but I spent three days with him." I left the nights part out—a lot of good that did.

"Rachel—" She wheezed, interrupting—"you cheated on Paul with some random guy?"

I burst out laughing at the sound of her hysterics. "No, just let me tell you about it, okay?"

"Whoo!" She panted with relief. "Okay. Go ahead."

Just as Billy suggested, I changed some of the facts … actually, nearly all of the facts. I told her that I met Nekoy at a teaching seminar and that we talked a lot, but that there wasn't any romantic attraction whatsoever, and I hadn't seen him since. I also described some of the dreams to her and some of the leftover feelings.

Because of how much I loved Paul, confessing to the dreams was an incredibly difficult thing for me to do, and it hurt to merely re-think them.

When I was finished, I asked, "So … what do think?"

"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel," she replied with a _what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you _sound in her voice. I could picture her face as she said it because it wasn't the first time I had heard it. "You've always taken your dreams _way_ too literally."

"I know. But they've always _literally_ bothered me _way_ too much. Now what do think?" I said, lifting my voice with impatience.

"Nothing more than a classic case of cold feet." She determined, unconcerned. "Nekoy was probably hot. That's why he's appearing as the object of you're insecurities."

I grimaced, disappointed in her answer.

"Was he?" she asked, curiously.

"Be serious, Rebecca!" I admonished, annoyed at her indifference. "I'm really worried about this."

"All right…" She giggled. "So … You said you didn't have any feelings for him. Think back. Did he have any feelings for you? I mean,did he pay you any special attention or treat you unusually kind … because there could be something lacking in your relationship with Paul that your subconscious thinks it could get from this other guy."

_Ugh!_

The conversation wasn't helping at all. My suspicion that the dreams represented more than just cold feet was too rooted. "No he didn't … I bet you're right … It's probably cold feet." I sulked, giving up.

She missed the entire point because I wasn't able to tell her the true story about the circumstances under which we met, like the fact that he was a vampire that saved my life. Nor was I able to tell her the reality of Paul being a werewolf and me being his imprint which resulted in an unbreakable bond that should be too powerful to be able to be affected by a simple dream.

Then with a far more serious tone, Rebecca said, "Rachel, if you truly believe it's something more or you can't get past whatever's bothering you. Don't marry him ... not until you're irrefutably certain of your feelings for him."

"Good advise, but I am irrefutably certain of my feelings for Paul. It's the other feelings that are weirding me out."

"You could always … look Nekoy up to make sure those feelings aren't real," she suggested, sounding hesitant of her words.

"Bad advice," I replied. "Not a good idea, at all."

"You're right. I knew it before it came all the way out of my mouth. Sorry I can't be more help to you, sister. I'm really glad you called me, though."

"Me too," I said. Even though I took one step forward and two steps back, in regards to making any progress. I was very glad I called her. We talked for another half hour or so, sharing information and catching up before saying we loved each other and hanging up the phone.

After the conversation ended, I felt defeated and depressed in regards to the parts concerning Nekoy.

I considered Rebecca's question about his behavior toward me. Did he treat me unusually kind or did he pay me any special attention, aside from just protecting me?

_My empty stomach growled annoyingly as I sat near him, mindless from exhaustion. I was so drained I didn't have the energy to attempt to want to eat._

_"You haven't eaten anything since you've been here_—_" he pointed out_—_ "and you probably need to sleep, too."_

_"I don't think I'll be able to sleep under these circumstances." I had closed my eyes before, though only for moments at a time. Sleep seemed impossible to me despite having been awake for far more than twenty-four hours. I was running on adrenaline. _

_"You can always drink some of the tea. It'll relax you."_

_"No. I better save it all for Kim. She needs it more than me."_

_When I opened my eyes, I realized I was laying on one of the mattresses covered with two warm blankets, and Nekoy was sitting a few feet away from me. Blinking my tired eyes, I quietly asked, "How long was I out?"_

_"For a couple of hours. You fell asleep beside me, so I carried you to the mattress. I wanted to make sure you were warm. I was hoping you would sleep longer. You can. Nothing will happen to you … if you do."_

_"I know that. It's just hard to sleep in a strange, precarious place," I explained, sitting up and wiping the sleep from my eyes._

I tried to distinguish whether or not his behavior was out of the ordinary, coming to the conclusion that all of our conversations and interactions could easily have been construed as platonic. Sure he showed concern toward me, but isn't that just thoughtfulness?

_Look him up__! _

I scoffed at the crazy, impractical idea of ever seeing Nekoy, again. It certainly wasn't rational … nor was it even feasible. Or was it?

Before I knew it, I had my laptop out and I was sitting at the kitchen table googling Golden, in British Columbia, Canada. Someone touched me from behind. I screamed, jumping completely out of the chair, nearly knocking the laptop on the floor.

Paul's arm shot out, clutching at the laptop before it fell off of the table. "Sorry, babe, I wasn't being sneaky. You just didn't hear me come in."


	8. Visions

**Chapter 7**

_**Visions**_

The laptop snapped closed.

"I hope I didn't mess anything up," Paul said apologetically.

I caught my breath, swallowing edgily. "You didn't. I was just killing time. Are you hungry?"

"Yep," he said, sitting down at the table and reopening the laptop.

Turning toward the kitchen countertop, I gathered my composure and nonchalantly started to reheat the now cold spaghetti.

_Terrible lapse in judgment._

I scolded myself, wondering what was going through my head when I decided to lookup that town in the first place. They were just pesky dreams. Nothing more, nothing less, and they had to go away sooner or later. What did I think I would find anyway? I didn't even know his last name.

I glanced over my shoulder, curious to know what Paul was staring at. I wasn't about to turn around and check, though. I continued to shuffle around the kitchen apprehensively.

The high-pitched beep from the microwave called, and I fixed him a plate. When I turned back toward him, he closed the laptop and pushed it to the center of the table. I set the plate down in front him and he curled his arm around my waist, sliding me onto his lap. "You're pretty quiet?" he softly inquired.

I shrugged innocently and cleared my throat. "I talked to Rebecca today."

"Wait a minute," he said, interrupting. He kissed me slow and long until the uncomfortable vibe that was lurking between us dissipated. It reaffirmed my hunch that he did sense the gap that was between us at times. In addition, he knew exactly how to close it. "That's better. Now what did Rebecca have to say?"

"Nothing interesting," I said, shifting my body to a more apt position, trying to let my worries dissolve. I enclosed myself around him stringently. Paul and I belonged together and nothing or no one would ever change that. The amounts of love, adoration, and passion that I felt for him were immeasurable … _when I was awake._ I quickly shoved that thought out of my mind. "We just talked about the wedding and how much I'm looking forward to painting the vases."

"Speaking of the vases," he cut in with a funny look on his face.

"What about 'em?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Never mind," he smirked, glancing away from me.

We finally made it over to his garage. Come to find out, all the vases were painted and they looked absolutely beautiful. I had ordered twenty-five in various shapes and sizes. We were planning to display them with preserved wild flowers at the wedding then give them away at the reception.

My eyes bulged with excitement at the finished effects, although the excitement didn't last. My spirits collapsed just as soon as I realized I couldn't take any credit for the results because Paul did it all by himself. "They're all done," I frowned. Why was I even surprised?

"Now you know why it took me so long to get back to you today," he boasted, gazing at the vases appreciatively. "It was easy. What do think?"

"I like 'em … but I'd like 'em even more if I had been allowed to paint some of them," I griped.

"Nah. You didn't need to inhale all of those poisonous-fumes," he declared with a protective father knows best attitude. "The paint fumes can get really heavy in the garage."

The guys had bad habits of treating us like we were helpless sometimes. Paul was pretty good about making sure he didn't act that way often, but occasionally he slipped up. I rolled my eyes, pouting. "I'm sure it wouldn't have been that bad."

"Not if you only did a couple," he admitted, lifting his eyebrows up and down jestingly. He reached behind a shelf packed with supplies and pulled out the last few vases. "I knew this would be your reaction if I didn't let you help, so I saved you some."

Grinning, I shook my head in agreement. I was satisfied to at least paint something.

The coveralls that Paul handed me were so huge, they barely stayed up. I tied my hair up behind my head and slid on a paper respirator mask while he demonstrated how to use the spray paint gun. Ten to fifteen minutes later, I was done. "That was too easy," I mumbled, disgruntled by the lack of effort it took.

"I told you. As far as everyone else is concerned, though, it took us hours." He winked. "And you don't have enough paint on you, either."

"Close your eyes," he instructed, pulling the mask up and over my nose and mouth. He stood behind me and squirted the gun in to the air directly ahead of us. The breeze caught some of the paint, blowing it back. I felt a cool mist of teeny tiny droplets land on my hair and skin. When I opened my eyes, Paul was examining me with an intense, comical look on his face. I giggled at his silly seriousness. He pulled my respirator mask back down so that it was hanging around my neck and ran his finger over the nozzle of the paint gun.

"Don't worry it comes off." He dabbed a smidgen of paint on my nose, cheek, and chin. Then stepped back and looked at me as if he was admiring a masterpiece.

"There," he said, pleased with himself. "I'll remember this when Leah's around."

I laughed. "Okay. But I highly doubt we'll fool anyone."

"Maybe not. At least we have an excuse to go swimming today though."

Immediately I knew what he was referring to because I didn't like swimming in the ocean. It was a small, secluded, warm spring that he caught Jacob thinking about one day. The spring was located way beyond the borders of Forks and La Push, high into one of the wilderness areas of Olympic National Forest. We scarcely went there because we promised Jake we'd keep it a secret from everyone else.

It was beautiful up there. I loved__it.

"Right now? I didn't bring anything with me," I said enthusiastically, taking off the coveralls and examining the sky.

The weather was perfect. The clouds hung thick and lowly but they weren't very dark, so I was confident it wasn't going to rain. The idea of a temperate and relaxing warm-spring was irresistible, given the mild coldness in the air. I could already picture the fog of the steam vapor rising from the water hole.

"Don't worry about it," he replied, pulling a duffle bag out from the back of the pick-up truck. "I have everything we need right here."

All we took besides the duffle bag was a small nylon cooler with a few cans of orange soda and two large bottles of water. He also tossed in a bag of his dad's homemade dried deer jerky and some other snacks for me. I didn't like the deer jerky because it tasted bloody and wild.

We drove on the shrinking dirt road into the forest, up into the mountains for nearly an hour before Paul pulled over in an isolated area. He parked the pick-up way off to the side of the faded tire trail and carried me the rest of the way.

When we arrived at the spring, I opened the duffle bag and shouldn't have been too surprised by the contents. All that was in there were towels and a small bottle of body wash. Paul gleamed with satisfaction. "What more did we need?"

I wound my arms around his neck, running my fingers through the back of his hair as I pulled him close, parting my lips and kissing him, slowly at first. His hands moved gently beneath the cotton t-shirt I was wearing, kneading my flesh. Our kiss quickly deepened and with an agile flick of his thumb, the flat button of my jeans popped open. He carefully guided them down below my thighs with firm fingers. I stepped out of them while he redirected his attention to my stomach and my breasts with his hands, nibbling at the curve of my jaw. Tilting my neck, I offered him more of my skin while I explored the muscles on his shoulder, arms, back, and below. I lifted my arms and he helped me out of my shirt. Shivering, I pressed my breasts against his chest, feeling the strong pounding of his heart as our mouths reunited. He growled, and I let out a sharp gasp of pleasure when he jerked my pelvis against him, holding me by my rear, lifting me up. I locked my legs around his torso as he carried me into to the steaming pool of sparkling water.

Much later, we sat snugly on a flat surfaced boulder outside of the spring, wrapped in the towels, soaking our legs and feet in the clear pool of comfortably hot water. Paul twirled my engagement ring between his fingers silently, and a glint of seriousness emerged in his eyes.

"Is everything okay with you?" he questioned, using a calm and extra patient tone, "I know you're not having the really bad nightmares anymore, but you act different now … really different, sometimes."

My heart sped up at the inquiry, and my voice froze for a breath. I kept my head down staring at our intertwined fingers and collecting my thoughts before attempting to explain. "I get that way because of the vampire dreams. The ones I've been having recently are irrational and kind of freaky. They don't make any sense, and it worries me. It worries me a lot …"

I paused and reluctantly waited for him to ask me the questions I felt certain were coming next. What exactly are the dreams, and is the missing vampire part of them?

Instead, he placed his hand against my rapidly beating heart as it bounced anxiously against my breastbone. I held my breath until he took it away. He stared at me thoughtfully for a moment then pulled his lips into a thin smile that puzzled me. "At least you're not having the nightmares anymore." He sighed, putting his arm around me and resting his head against mine.

He had purposely stopped himself from asking any more questions on my account.

"Yeah … and the rest of the dreams will go away too, pretty soon, I'm sure," I said, stumbling to get the words out of my mouth as I calmed down.

"Anyway, Jacob and Sam went to another sweat ceremony today," he remarked. "We think they'll have better luck now that they're fasting the twenty-four hours before sweating … like they _should _have been doing all along."

Better luck finding Nekoy, he meant. My curiosity about the ceremony peaked. The time Billy brought it up; I was too preoccupied to wonder about it. Other times I just wasn't interested, but since everyone seemed so sure that it would provide real results, I decided I should be prepared. "What's the ceremony like?" I casually inquired. "I've seen the tent. What's it like inside, though?"

"It's really hot," he replied.

"Duh," I mocked, nudging him in the side with my elbow, "everyone knows that."

Paul chuckled softly. "What do you want to know about it?"

"I want to know what Jacob and Sam said about it."

"Billy never told you?" he asked, surprised.

"He did. I just didn't pay much attention before. I guess I should have."

He shrugged. "All right, I'll tell you what I've seen. Let's see. It's kind of hard to explain." He reflected a little before continuing to describe the process. "There's a certain way that everything needs to be done. Do you want to know the entire process?"

"Uh huh … unless you don't want to tell me about it, or you can't ..."

"It's not a secret. Okay. Inside the canvas tent there's a shallow pit that they stack with glowing stones. First, the fire tender heats the stones, red-hot, in the sacred fire that burns outside the tent. Quil is usually the one that tends to the fire outside of the tent. He doesn't sit in on the sweats, though. The heating of the stones is what awakens the stone people's spirits. When the stones are ready, they use heavy metal to carry the stone to the pit, add water, and sweat."

"That's not all of it. Tell me the details. I want to hear how they have the visions," I insisted.

"It's not easy to have a vision. In fact, it's very difficult to have a vision. That's why people need to purify themselves by fasting. You also need to be smudged with sweet grass, sage, or cedar to cleanse your spirit before you can even enter the tent. Once everyone is smudged, all those invited to attend enter the tent in a specific order and sit around the pit. The tobacco pipe is passed around. Some prayers are said. Then the sweat leader, usually Old Quil, calls for the red hot stones. The stones are brought to him and he places them in the pit, one for each direction; North, South, East and West. At that point, he can add additional stones for specific purposes or individuals. Lately that's you and Kim, typically four to seven stones in all," he explained, "the door flap is sealed shut and it becomes really dark and hot. The sweat leader sounds the water drum. This calls the spirit guides from all four directions. He pours a dip of water on the stones, one dip for each direction. It sets off loads of steam. He'll continue to pour scoops of water until the spirits tell him to stop. It's pretty neat actually."

"Sounds like it," I admitted, very intrigued.

"After that, they sit in the heat, praying and meditating deeply. As the steam rises, messages or visions from the spirit world can be received by the worthy individuals, but a person has to be able to withstand the heat. From what I've seen of Jacob and Sam's experiences, neither of them have been able to make it through all four rounds of the sweat. But they're getting better. It's tough enough to sit through it, and it gets even harder when you're already deprived and dehydrated from fasting. We feel like one of them will see something soon though, or all of them will see something soon."

"What do they see?"

"Whatever the spirits want them to see," Paul said, lowering his eyes in consideration. "Hopefully, a clue to where we can find the missing vampire."

A quiver coursed through me. I sunk myself against him further as I contemplated whether or not it would really happen. The traditions and legends of our people were no longer to be doubted. Still, I thought perhaps the spirits knew that Nekoy wasn't evil and wouldn't reveal his location.

Paul dropped me off at home, promising to come back after he took the truck back to his house and ran another patrol. I was already really tired from the long drive and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

_The soft howl of a wolf called my name, waking me from a light, restless sleep. I thought the wolf was Paul, so I climbed out of bed. I wrapped a blanket around myself and, without thinking, drifted outside to trail the call._

_When I neared the trees, I spotted a small black object tussling with a tree branch overhead._

_Something about the way it was moving caught my attention. I wasn't able to look away. The object expanded its lengthy arms to grab a hold of another branch, screeching wildly. That's when I recognized that it was a bat. It was moving about the tree curiously … as if it had a specific purpose for being there, or perhaps it was searching for something._

_It spied me watching and immediately soared away, but it returned a moment later, settling on a low level branch, observing me. All of a sudden, it lunged at me speedily. I curled my arms up, over my head and began to run in the direction of the howls. Tripping, I fell to the ground and swung my arms frantically, trying to swat the bat away._

_When I looked again, the bat was gone. There was a little white canary in its place. I rose to my feet and held my hand out to it. It fluttered its tiny spectacular wings as elegantly as an angel._

_Dancing toward me, the dainty white canary landed: fearlessly, perching on my index finger. Snowy bright. It had the purest eyes I'd ever seen. I was awe-struck by its beauty. Then the canary spread its wings and soared back into the air, circling around me a few times. _

_There was a hint of a fluorescing-lime glimmer, bouncing off its feathers that reminded me of a firefly. It swooped near me once more, telling me that I was dreaming before gracefully flying out of sight, flickering like a star._

_Upon that realization, lucidity took over, and in what had practically become a habit, Nekoy popped into my mind. I automatically whispered his name. Once again, I was standing in the vacant building as he appeared._

_"Is everything okay, Rachel?" he asked, looking surprised and sounding concerned._

_The way he was dressed caught me completely off guard. It was normal for Paul and the others not to be wearing shirts, but seemed inappropriate for anyone else. Scenes from my other dreams flashed before my eyes and he felt more familiar to me than ever before._

It's just a dream.

_"I don't know …" I scrambled with my words, perplexed by the brilliance of the vision. "I was just thinking about you … and … wondering where you are." _

_"I'll tell you where I am, Rachel, but first … you must go somewhere else this time." he insisted._

_Giving me the impression that, he too, was aware that I was dreaming. A concept that was totally impossible as far as I was concerned._

_My consciousness was so active that coherent thoughts were flowing through my mind, and I clearly understood what he was asking of me. "Will you be there?"_

_"It's completely up to you." he informed me._

_I let my imagination carry me away. _

_Instantly, I was standing by the warm spring I had been at earlier that day with Paul. I could smell the steaming water, feel the frigid wind against my shivering skin, and hear the untamed sounds resonating throughout the woods. _

_Nekoy was standing beside me, viewing the surroundings with pleased look of approval._

_"I knew you could remove yourself from that place if you really wanted to. I'm residing in Chetwyd, British Columbia," he casually announced. _

"_Chetwynd?" _

I was drawn back to reality, feeling cloudy headed, by the sound of Paul's ruffled voice. "Jacob had one!" he exclaimed.


	9. Questions and Doubts

**Chapter 8**

_**Questions and Doubts**_

I rubbed my face and neck, stretching as I sat up. "What did he see?" I softly asked, unsure of whether or not I had heard him correctly. Reaching for the table lamp, I turned on the light.

Paul didn't look real happy. "We're not quite sure what it means. Let me take a quick shower first," he said, getting undressed as he headed into the bathroom.

I needed those few minutes to fully awaken and to comprehend what was happening. A wave of fear swelled within me. Fear for my long held secret—the discovery that I'd been keeping it—fear for Nekoy, and fear that I couldn't hide the fear from Paul. Closing my eyes, I breathed in and out meditatively. I tried telling myself that there was nothing to worry about and not to jump to any conclusions. He had said they didn't know what the vision meant.

By the time Paul was done taking a shower, I was prepared to hear about the vision.

"His memory of slipping into the apparition was really weird. Almost like he couldn't breathe and was about to die, but he just rode it out, following the suffocation with his mind to wherever it was taking him. Then there were sensations of motion and sound, like vibrations taking formation through the steam-fog.

"He saw some kind of conference room and a couple of business suits, sitting around a table," Paul said, climbing into bed. "The images of the people around the table weren't clear, but he felt like they were vampires. The only words he was able to make out through the buzz of murmurs were _pack of werewolves._"

"But did he see the missing vampire?" I choked over anxiously.

"Not exactly."

My body slouched, and I barely caught myself about to take a sigh of relief, gulping instead. Paul was too engrossed in recollection to notice.

"There was another barely visible figure in the shadows of some bookcases. It was more distorted compared to the images of the others, like a ghost in a room full of the living. Jacob was moved to notice the figure which means the figure is significant." Paul leaned closer, reaching for me. I slid myself over to him. "Billy said this is just the start. The more Jacob ponders the vision, the more clear it'll become, and the more sense it'll make. We're eager to see if it will make a difference with all of us pondering the vision. You have goose bumps. Are you cold?" he suddenly asked, squishing his eyebrows together.

"A little bit," I muttered, laying myself in his arm and pressing my body up against him. "That sounds pretty vague. It could mean practically anything."

"The sweats are for you and Kim, so the vision has to have something to do with you two. Meaning, it has something to do with the missing vampire. The problem is—we don't know if it's a past occurrence or a future event. What we do know is that its important, because it's what the spirits wanted him to see."

"That's good then," I whispered, making sure my voice sounded glad.

After listening to Paul, I wondered how Jacob's vision concerned Nekoy and for the first time, doubts of his goodness crossed my mind. Perhaps they had been right, and I should have been worried all along? I shuddered at the thought that I had possibly been fooled by him and at risk.

Sensing my foreboding, Paul gripped me tighter. "Don't be scared. This just means we're getting closer to stopping all of this. It's about time too. Anyway, Jake and Billy want to talk to you about it. Jake said to tell you that they'd be here early tomorrow morning, because they're planning on going fishing after that. I think it was some kind of warning. Do you want me here when they come by?"

"Um hum," I said, lifting my eyes to meet his.

"I figured you would." He nuzzled me, adding a soft kiss to my lips. When we parted, he asked, "You know what that means?"

"What?"

"It means I'm going to have to leave here extra early, go all the way home to get the pick-up … to pretend I just got here. How stupid is that?" he grumbled, rolling his eyes and pursing his lips.

"It is pretty stupid. Look on the bright side, though. Since you've learned how to leave early, you've been able to be here practically every night."

"Yeah, and that's been fun," he chuckled, smiling my favorite smile, the one that revealed the tiny little dimple above the right side of his mouth that I just had to kiss, which changed the subject entirely.

Softly stroking my fingertips down the middle of his chest and abdomen as I drew his tongue further into my mouth, I slipped my hand beneath the blankets. Paul was an amazing lover, and even though I had been thoroughly sated earlier, I couldn't resist.

You would have thought that after all that love making and expended energy—I would have been exhausted and able to sleep, at least a little.

But that was nowhere near the case, Chetwynd, British Columbia made it impossible for me to do so.

With my eyes held closed; I silently lay cradled into Paul's lean sultry body. I attempted to concentrate on the comfort of his heavy restful breaths as they tousled strands of my hair, faintly tickling the back of my neck, hoping it would help me back to sleep, but it was no use. Jake's vision, Nekoy, and Chetwynd, British Columbia kept shuffling through my mind.

For one, I had no idea what that vision could possibly mean. The thought of a strange figure and vampires, discussing something concerning _me_ regarding a future event was terrorizing after everything that I had already been through.

I couldn't stand to think about it in terms of the future—but, if it were a past event, how would it be of any significance now?

Then there was the fact that I had never heard of Chetwynd, British Columbia, so why would I invent it in a dream? Unless I had seen it when I was googling Golden earlier in the afternoon?

I thought about double checking my laptop again but felt that that would be stupid; although, not any stupider than trying to figure out whether or not it was possible to locate Nekoy.

In the end, I ruled against it. If I had found that I didn't come across it during the google search, but that yet, it still existed, that would be crazy. What would I do then?

I didn't want to know.

Most troubling of all, was the idea that I may have been wrong about Nekoy. If the shadow figure was him, what was he doing talking about a pack of werewolves with a room full of vampires? Was he really involved in our abduction? Was he really as dangerous as the pack believed him to be? Was I _that_ easily deceived by him?

_Quite some hours after I had been attacked, I was sifting through the boxes of food and supplies that were left on the long wooden table while Nekoy flipped through a pile of magazines there as well. I found a deck of cards and a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle with a difficult rainforest landscape._

_"Wow, they really are planning on keeping us here a week, aren't they?" I muttered, pulling the puzzle from the box._

_Clearing off the table in front of me, I sat down and poured the jigsaw puzzle contents out on it. Nekoy took up the chair across from me. "Do you mind if I help?"_

_"Not at all," I shrugged._

_We worked on the puzzle for about thirty minutes, and I had a pretty good size picture going. Nekoy, on the other hand, was struggling finding any matches. I caught him trying to force two, obviously, un-fitting pieces together with a hard look of concentration. I couldn't help but laugh._

_He looked up and smiled with an expression that I thought would have been a blush if he had had any blood running through his veins. "We're color blind," he explained, grinning._

_"Really?"_

_He laughed quietly. "No. I just haven't any patience. You would think after all these years I would have found some, huh?"_

_There was such a non-threatening, friendly manner about him. I grasped how lucky we were that he had changed his mind about leaving when he did, so I asked, "You were leaving, what made you decide to stay?"_

_His eyebrows shot up briefly, and it appeared he had to give his answer some thought. "It was because you were terrified and helpless and … I just … did," he said, shaking his head like he himself wasn't certain. He propped himself on the table with his elbow, resting his jaw on his fist, looking nowhere. "There's something really foul about George and his plans, though he says no one will be harmed. And I was reluctant to leave Tony behind. "He got quiet for a second then added, "I considered taking you away right then. I could have. There was only George, but knowing there would be other human captives made it difficult to walk away. I was told three. There really wasn't much time to think it over."_

_"Thank you for that."_

_He nodded his head but seemed at a loss for words._

_"Tell me a little bit about Tony. How come he wanted to help them?"_

_"Tony's family is living in the mountains of the Sinai Peninsula in Egypt at the moment. The hunting's not all that satisfying, but it allows them to keep themselves completely covered without suspicion. I've known them for a very long time. They're the nearest thing to a family I have, because they share my value for the human life. Tony is a fairly young victim. He's only been a vampire for sixty years or so. He was the son of an archeologist attacked by a nomad. His family coven happened upon the attempted murder and stopped the nomad from killing him. He's good but he's curious and naive. I never should have allowed him to come. Normally I travel alone._

"_I was there visiting when we heard stories of this giant coven somewhere up here. An entire town filled with vampires, living undetected right here in the USA. The idea of it was intriguing. I believed it was nothing more than a rumor, but Tony didn't. He found out I was planning on traveling through here on my way to Canada, and he begged me to let him tag along. When we met George, Tony thought that's what this was … Did you ever hear anything of a giant coven in this area?"_

_"Not a giant coven. There was a decent size family around here for a while. They had lots of vampire friends who came to the area for a stay."_

_"Hmm … that's probably how the rumor started," he concluded. He changed the subject asking, "Do you play cards?"_

My memory of him and I playing two handed poker put things back into perspective for me. I replayed his warm, friendly smile in my mind, reviewed the trustworthiness and honesty in his eyes, reheard the sincerity of his voice, and re-felt the safety that his presence emanated.

It reconfirmed what I knew all along; they were all wrong. I was the only person who spent time with Nekoy, so I was the only person who knew that he wouldn't harm any human being. Jacob's vision had to mean something else.

Nearing the early light, I was finally able to fall into a quiet sound sleep, hardly recalling when Paul got up to leave, softly kissing me on the cheek, and saying I love you before walking out the door.

My cell phone began to vibrate, jumping subtly against my nightstand. It was a text from Paul.

R they there yet? B there asap luv u _Paul**_

I smiled at Paul's willingness to go out of his way just to please Billy. I texted him back.

No luv u too see u soon

Rachel**

Ok Morning star?

Paul**

?

Rachel**

U were saying it in ur sleep

Paul**

My face scrunched. Had I been so restless I had actually been sleep talking? _That's not good._

Idk

Rachel**

Ok

Paul**

_Morning star?_ I mused as I climbed out of bed.

Paul arrived at the same time as Billy and Jacob did. I knew we weren't fooling Jacob. He didn't care anyway. But the amused grin Billy gave Paul and I, led me to believe we weren't fooling him, either. Just then something told me that he didn't mind, as long as we were attempting to fool the rest of the community members.

Paul pulled me extremely close to him when we all took a seat, reminding me that I had falsely given him the notion that Jacob always made me feel awful which was terrible. My tummy twirled with guilt.

Straight away, Jacob said, "The descriptions of the business people weren't real clear, but there was a blond haired guy. A guy with dark hair slicked back into a short ponytail, and one may have been a female. I'm not sure. I wasn't shown them for very long.

"I was mainly shown the hidden figure in the shadows, and that figure was almost transparent. The phrase _pack of werewolves_ was also made known. The spirits wanted me to hear those very words. Does any of this mean anything to you?"

"Thomas was wearing a suit. He had short blond hair and acted like a businessman. George had dark hair but it was curly, not long. He had an accent. I was too scared to look closely at the rest of them," I eagerly replied, feeling happy to be able to answer Jake's questions honestly. I wanted to figure out the vision just as much as they did.

"How about females? Were there any females that might have left before Seth got there?"

"I never saw or heard any."

Everyone seemed disappointed in my answers. In light of the vague descriptions I was given, there was nothing I could do about that. The unsatisfied expression on Jacob's face and the saddened expression on Billy's bothered me for not being able to give them any kind of helpful information; although, I didn't know if I would had I been able. I shrugged, raising my arms, palms facing up toward the ceiling. "Sorry, I'll keep trying to remember if I saw anyone fitting those other descriptions."

I already knew I didn't, but I wanted to say something positive.

Jacob's disposition quickly cheered. He had always had the ability to see the bright side, except for during those dark Bella-days. It was good he was long past them. "Ah don't worry about it," he said. We figured out who took you guys and how to get to you back then with less to go on than this. I'm sure we'll figure this out too."

"Jacob," Paul brought up. "There wasn't a conference room in that building. Since she didn't see anyone else fitting those other descriptions and the vampires weren't the Romanians, I think it's a future event."

"Maybe," Jacob said, deliberating. "I was leaning toward a past event. Some time when they were first making arrangements to abduct the girls, talking about convincing a _pack of werewolves_ to help them. Either way though, I'm betting that the figure by the bookcase is who we're looking for. If we could find out where that conference room is, we will probably find him."

I winced inside, certain he was wrong.

"Sometimes the vision doesn't become clear until you're closer to an event." Billy optimistically explained, looking at Jacob. "Then something will happen or you'll see something, triggering the meaning. A light will turn on in your head and you'll know what you need to know. "Just keep meditating on it. Have a lot of patience with a little bit of faith. We'll get to the bottom of this. The main thing is … you had the vision."

"Just to be safe, we're going to double up on patrols. We'll have to put more tails on the girls, too. Is that okay with you, Rachel?" Jacob asked, observing me closely.

"Of course," I nodded willingly. Even though I was sure Nekoy wasn't trying to get to me now, and didn't play a part in planning the taking of us the last time. The vision was a huge concern. I didn't ever want to come face to face with a deadly monster again.

"All of us girls are going to Port Angeles today to pick-up our dresses," I reminded both Paul and Jacob.

"I know. I thought having Leah and Journey along would be enough, but now I'm not so sure," Jacob said, sighing. "Guess I can't go fishing with you today, Dad."

"I'll go with them to Port Angeles today." Paul squeezed my hand. "I don't need to go in to work"

"I'll talk to Sam. He and Jared should be done questioning Kim by now," Jacob said, standing up to leave. "We guys are supposed to go for our tuxes tomorrow. I don't know what the big deal is if we all went together today. Who cares if we see the stupid dresses," Jacob snapped, like a grumpy old-crab as he walked out the door. "People always want to make things harder than they are," he grumbled before peeking back inside with an afterthought. "Wait for me to call with the plans. We're all going today. Leah's just gonna have to suck it up."

"Jeez, for someone who claims he's never bossy," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

After they left, I dressed and Paul took me to the post office. I hadn't checked my mail in over a week.

While I pulled a huge stack of mail—mostly junk—out of my box, I glanced out the window of the post office. Paul waved to me from the truck.

"How's Rachel doing today?" Helen, the postmistress asked. She was a plump little lady with shiny, chubby cheeks and laughing eyes. Her thick, white hair was all tied up neatly in an over-sized bun. She always reminded me of a brown Mrs. Santa Clause. "I thought I was going to have to open another box for you."

"Sorry about that, Helen. I'm fine. How are you?"

"Great. With all the new technology the job just keeps getting easier and easier," she said, busily tossing letters into mail slots.

"Helen, you've been here how long now? I know it's been longer than I can remember."

"Forty years, thank you very much," she replied with a smile, walking up to the counter. "Don't know how much longer I'll last, though."

"You wouldn't by any chance know of a town called Chetwynd in British Columbia, Canada, would you?"

"Chetwynd, BC," she repeated mindfully, fiddling around on a keyboard below the counter. "5116 Fiftieth St. Voc 1J0. Population Twenty-five hundred, located at the foothills of the Canadian Rockies."

"What was that?" I asked astounded. I glanced out the window at Paul and waved my stack of junk, so he would know what was taking me so long.

"It's the Chetwynd PO address. I told you, with this technology all it takes is a couple of keystrokes. Do you know someone there?"

"I was told my friend lives there. Only I don't have an address or a phone number," I explained, knowing what I was saying was ridiculous.

"In a town that small, everyone knows everyone just as I know everyone here. All you have to do is send it general delivery. It'll get to where it's going. Trust me. Do you want the post office address?" she said, scribbling it down on a small note pad.

My face instantly heated. I felt ashamed for continuing to think about Nekoy and Chetwynd, let alone asking about it. "No thanks. I better get going. Paul's waiting."

"Too late!" She smiled, tearing off the piece of paper and handing it across the counter to me. I hesitated for a second then quickly grabbed the paper and stuffed it into my coat pocket, telling myself I was only being polite for all her trouble.


	10. Tormented

**Chapter 9**

_**Tormented **_

Journey showed up to ride with Paul and I. She wasn't too happy when she found out that Seth would be riding with us as well. Brady showed up a few minutes later, and he wasn't too happy when he realized he'd be riding in the backseat with Seth and Journey.

An awkward tension strained the air as we all waited for Seth to arrive.

The angry scowls on Journey and Brady's faces had Paul smirking around the apartment devilishly. I called him into the bedroom to find out what was going on.

"Just your typical love triangle," he taunted, his belly rumbling with suffocated laughter. "There's always got to be one, right?"

"Let me in on the joke," I demanded, anxious to hear the gossip.

"Journey likes Seth, but she tries to deny it. Brady likes Journey, but he knows she likes Seth, so he doesn't like to be around them. And Seth … well, he likes all kinds of other girls, and that pisses both of them off." Paul snorted with a grin. "Seth just doesn't know how to shut up about who he's taking out."

"I thought that she had a crush on Seth. I had no idea that Brady had one on her."

"Yep. Journey won't run patrols with Seth because she doesn't want him to know what she's thinking. She always tries to run them with Brady, because she thinks they're friends. Brady doesn't want to hear how she feels about Seth or for her to hear how he feels about her, so he purposely avoids her. It's a good thing there's a lot of us now, or they wouldn't have the luxury to choose who they run patrols with. Sam gives them their way." He sighed. "None of us need the drama anyway. Been there, done that."

We heard a knock at the door and walked back into the living room. Seth strolled inside with the most guiltless and cheerful expression and was completely caught off guard by the vicious looks he got from Brady and Journey. He halted in his tracks, his face frozen wide-eyed like he'd just appeared before a firing squad.

Paul couldn't help himself, and he cracked up laughing out loud. Everyone, including myself, jerked our heads in his direction, glaring at him.

"What I do?" Seth asked innocently.

"You didn't do anything now lets go. We're all going to be late," I said, chastising Paul with my eyes.

Seth and Brady were the only guys from our group that needed tuxes, so Paul dropped them off at Fiancée with the rest of the bridal party. Journey and I went a little further up the way to the place where I bought my dress. She hadn't found one she liked yet and wanted my help. "I wish Seth didn't have to ride with us." she grumbled, as we walked into the boutique.

"Why? What's got you so mad at him?" I asked, pretending not to know anything.

We started searching through the dress racks. "He's just so irritating," she complained. "He thinks he has to have a girlfriend in every town within a fifty mile radius."

I chuckled under my breath, handing her a dress. "Here, try this on." I picked up a few more cute dresses and followed her to the dressing rooms. When she shut the door, I said. "He is very good looking, and his outgoing personality makes him a popular guy."

"I'm serious, Rachel. Brady knows it's true too. That's why he's so grumpy when Seth's around."

"Maybe Brady's just grumpy when Seth's around you," I suggested.

Silence ensued while she dressed then she replied, "No. That's not it. We're buds. He's one of my best friends at school." She walked out of the dressing room to show me the dress she was wearing and remarked, "I don't like the color. It's too dull." It was pale-blue satin, and I agreed it wasn't the right color for her.

I handed her another one. "Brady might not want to be _just_ your bud."

"Trust me, Rachel. I know him better than anyone, and he only thinks of me as a friend."

"If you say so," I said, wondering why it was always so hard for people to see who was standing right in front of them.

She tried on about four more dresses before we decided to check out another shop.

What the guys thought was going to be a quick trip to Port Angeles turned out to be an all day event. Sam, Paul, and Jared went to the video arcade a few doors down from the dress shop where Journey and I met up with Kim and Emily. Jacob and River were sitting on a bench outside the bridal shop, waiting for Leah and Raven. Seth, Brady, and Collin disappeared somewhere up the street.

Journey found a perfect form-fitting, strapless, thigh-high dress. The color was a subtle bright green that looked gorgeous up against her dark skin. At the exact same time she came out of the dressing room in the dress and stilettos, Seth, Brady, and Collin walked inside looking for the other guys.

It was the second time I saw Seth's face freeze wide-eyed, only this time his mouth gaped open. Brady saw it too. He flinched, rolled his eyes, and spun around, walking back out the door. It felt like someone gave me a quick jab in the chest. My heart hurt for him. I always had a soft spot for the underdog or in this case the under "_wolf."_

As if the day couldn't get any longer, we girls had to meet back at my house to finish up the flower arrangements. We only had two days left before Leah's wedding.

Journey, Kim, and I got there first. A few minutes later Emily, Leah, and Raven arrived. They brought an array of wildflowers with them. Mercy had taught us how to dry and preserve the flower bouquets and we had several dried arrangement already put together for the occasion, but we also wanted a mixture of fresh wildflowers displayed in the real-wood planters I found online.

We attached assorted flowers together and tried out different combinations and various color schemes while we chatted about what we dreamed for our own weddings. In the course of our discussions, we ended up in a conversation about the ups and downs of being imprints. Nobody was complaining; however, there were some concerns mentioned, and one in particular rose above the rest.

"Does anyone worry about the fact that the guys aren't aging but we are?" Kim asked, looking around the room at the rest of us. An uncomfortable silence followed. "Oh come on now. I can't be the only one that thinks about it."

I saw Leah and Journey glance at each other. Of course, they were on the fortunate side of the dilemma. Emily pursed her lips and continued to focus on her flower arrangement. I got the notion that she didn't want to talk about it for whatever reason.

Raven cleared her throat and replied, "I can honestly say that I haven't given it much thought. Actually … I haven't given it any thought, although I'm sure I will now." She laughed a little.

Kim turned toward me, waiting for my answer. "The thought crossed my mind a time or two," I confessed. "But I haven't had time to decide how I feel about it or what to even do about it." The few times it did cross my mind, I had thought that that would be kind of hot, especially, when we became middle-aged and he still had the body of a sexy twenty-five year-old. "I guess I didn't think we needed to be worried." I shrugged.

"I'm not trying to start any trouble," Kim said earnestly. "I just … it really bothers me and I wanted to see how the rest of you were dealing with it. Think about it. We're going to keep getting older and older, and they'll all stay young and handsome for as long as they want. How's that even going to work? What's going to happen when we're sixty and they look like they're in their twenties? Worse yet, what if they stop loving us altogether when we can't have children anymore? How long they love us may not be up to them. Imprinting does happen for the offspring."

"They're supposed to love us forever according to the legend," I reminded, realizing the legend said imprinting was rare. The legends also never accounted for Leah and Journey. The Third Wife legend came to mind and it dawned on me; he was on his _third_ wife.

Questions rolled in dauntingly, making themselves right at home. Would they put us away—imprinting on another in order to expand their bloodlines further? Oh, I was sure they'd always love us and take care of us when we got old, but would we remain their one and only? Back in the old days, it wasn't uncommon for the men of the tribe to have more than one wife.

Kim was right. We didn't know enough about the entire imprinting phenomenon. We only knew the way our connections felt and what the elders had been told, and they were just as surprised as anyone when Sam imprinted on Emily. The first time Leah phased, Billy and Old Quil admitted they didn't know everything about our werewolf ancestors and had much to learn.

As stringent as our oral historians' practices were, it was sad to say that our stories were not one-hundred percent accurate or complete. Some of the words had been lost during that dark period in our history when the US government began its policy of integrating our people into the American society.

At any rate, we were all just going along with the flow as happy as can be.

Paul and I had never talked about it before either. Considering Kim's comments though, I was absolutely positive we'd be talking about it soon. Very soon.

Everyone lowered their heads and the feeling in the room changed from enthusiastic excitement to gloom and doom.

"Come on girls," Leah finally said. "No one has to keep phasing if they don't want to, remember?"

"That's easy for you to say, Leah. I'm sure River isn't going to mind being with a hot twenty-something when he's sixty. Guys are different. They can keep having children for who knows how long," Raven chimed in, irritated, letting us all know the concern hit her—and hit her hard.

"But what if they do want to keep phasing?" Kim asked worriedly. "That's what I'm talking about."

"Have you talked to Jared about this, Kim?" Leah asked.

"No. I don't want to bother him with my worries. Anyhow, the thought never crosses my mind when we're together," Kim replied.

"I know what you mean," I empathized, acknowledging that my concerns usually melted away as well when I was with Paul.

Raven also nodded her head in agreement.

"If it bothers you that much, I'm sure Jared would want to hear about it," Leah determined.

"I'm sure he would," Kim stated in a manner which gave me the feeling that she still wasn't going bring it up to him.

"I'll bring it up to Jacob," Raven decisively volunteered. "He could tell everyone else what we're worried about." Raven was pretty straightforward; she reminded me of Rebecca that way.

Emily exhaled loudly. "All right, everyone, even though this is a personal matter for each couple _to discuss_—" she stressed with a bit of a scold in her tone as her gaze met Kim's then drifted to the rest of us— "and Sam wouldn't want me having to speak for any of the guys, I'll weigh in.

"We know if they can stop phasing, they'll start aging. All of our guys have learned to control that pretty well already. They'll only get better. And Sam and I _have_ discussed it. If I asked him to stop, he would. At least, he'd give it a damn good try. They need him right now, so I wouldn't want him to stop, but we decided that we _will_ revisit the issue further down the road and make the decision together."

Emily looked at Kim, her expression as caring as a mother comforting her daughter. "I know Jared feels exactly the same way about you as Sam does about me. I'm convinced that he'll stop when you want him to, as well. The same goes for Jacob and Paul," she said to me and Raven without the slightest bit of doubt in her tone or appearance.

"And look at the bright side everyone," Journey added cheerfully. "There's so many of us now, and maybe more to come later. I'm sure we could handle letting a few of the old men off the hook when you're all ready for that."

The corners of Kim's mouth turned up, openly relieved. "Thanks guys. I'm glad I brought it up otherwise I would have continued to worry in silence."

I saw Raven take a deep breath and could tell that she was also satisfied with Emily's encouraging words and Journey's supportive declaration. I know I was, although I still intended to get Paul's point of view on the matter later.

After the girls left, I cleaned up the mess that remained from all the crumbling leaves, petals, and twigs that somehow managed to spread themselves around, apartment wide. Paul walked in just as I was finishing.

"Whoa! You look tired," he said taking the vacuum cleaner away from me. "It's clean enough."

"I am tired. I didn't get much sleep last night and today ended up being a really, really, really long day." I plunged myself on the couch and stretched out comfortably. "Everything is almost done. All that's left is decorating the ballroom at the resort and decorating the flat the morning of the wedding. I'm not responsible for any decorating so I feel great."

Paul stretched out on the carpet below me for a few minutes then asked, "What's this?"

I turned, partially sitting up to see what Paul was speaking of. He was reaching for something beneath the couch's arm where my coat was laying. My eyes hit the pocket I had stashed the Chetwynd address in.

He pulled something out. I glanced at the notebook and recognized my dream journal again. "Oh." I rolled my eyes at the way I had startled. "That's just a journal I used to write in when I was growing up. Jacob found it. I've been meaning to go through it, but I keep forgetting."

"Oh yeah?" Paul raised his eyebrows curiously.

"Take a look. Jake did. You might as well. Keep in mind, though, I was only in grade school when I wrote in it."

I lay back and closed my eyes while Paul began flipping through the pages.

After several moments he asked, "Did you realize how many dreams you had about wolves in here?"

"No I didn't," I said, opening my eyes and crawling off of the couch to lie beside him.

"Hmm … its nightmare after nightmare." He held the notebook in front of both our faces. "That's kind of strange. You think?"

"Not really. Maybe I was just dreaming about the legends. I'm sure Billy was always going on about wolves when I was growing up. I was afraid of them."

Paul's forehead wrinkled and looking disturbed, he sat up.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I don't know … I guess it bothers me that you were so terrified of wolves when you were little."

It was more than a bit ironic, but I didn't think it was anything for us to dwell on. I sat up and took the notebook from his hand. "And look at me now—with so many of them watching over me." I pushed him back down and draped myself over him. As I was feather kissing parts of his neck, face, and ears, I casually brought up, "Guess what we girls were talking about today?"

"What?" He sulked, remaining troubled by the contents of my journal.

"We were talking about how someday when I grow so old and saggy and too decrepit for you, you're not even going to want me anymore." I looked directly at him as I finished my statement.

His eyes flew open, large and round. "What?" he repeated, lifting the end of the word and sounding far more interested in what I had to say than he had a second ago.

"We were just wondering what was going to happen when we girls get really old and you all stay the same age … You know, wondering if you'll stay bound to us when we're done having children and they're all grown?"

He gave me his _are-you-kidding-me_ look. "Of course we will … nothing's going to happen."

I gazed deep into his eyes and quietly asked with emphasis, "How do _you_ know?"

"Because … I'm not going to stay the same age. Believe me. I'll be rocking right beside you when we're old and probably be more wrinkly."

I smiled. The truth was written all over his face. I was an idiot for even bringing up the subject. Now I understood precisely what Kim meant when she told us she didn't remember the concern while she was with Jared.

Uncertainty could only rear its ugly head when we weren't in the others physical presence and couldn't feel the love and commitment they had for us.

"That's what Emily said, but you'd have to stop phasing first."

"I won't be doing that until I make sure you're completely safe. After that, I'm all yours. All you have to do is ask. Hell, you don't even have to ask."

"And, I won't be doing that, until I'm at least forty-something. After all, forty is the new twenty," I joked. "We can be just like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore for a while."

"Only better looking!" he laughed.

* * *

The scariest dreams are the dreams you have about dreaming.

I typically kept the alarm clock on the nightstand way across the room, directly under the light switch. I did this to insure that I didn't just reach over, turn it off, and fall back to sleep. Once I was out of bed, I would turn the light on before lying back down for about fifteen minutes or so, until I was fully awake.

_The alarm clock rang out annoyingly, waking me from another dream about Nekoy. I scrambled out of bed, staggering across the room to turn it off as usual. I was about to switch the light on when I realized that school was out and I didn't need to be up at seven am. I turned back toward the bed and focused on the dark lumpy shadow of my blankets, all piled up invitingly. I moved toward them groggily and dropped myself on the alluring heap. _

_A huge body flinched, and clawed hands shot out from under the blankets, clutching at me. It was wailing in my ear in the voice of a crying baby. Trying to scream, I frantically fought to get away …_

The alarm clock cried out suddenly, ripping me from the horrible nightmare. I got out of bed, dawdled to the light switch, and turned it on. I looked back at the bundle of blankets again, deciding not to lie back down this time.

The door was shut which was unusual. Paul must have closed it so he wouldn't wake me. I turned the door handle; it was locked for some reason. I hollered for Paul and heard him clumping rapidly down the hallway, but when he got to the door, he stopped. I knew he was standing right on the other side, but he wouldn't answer me or open up the door to let me out.

I heard a deep, rolling growl come from behind me. I turned back toward the bed and spotted the blanket-covered figure again. Its dark-silver and gray fur protruded out as it began to rise up, its predatorily savage rumble growing in size along with its entire physical form.

Saliva drenched snarls pierced my soul. I didn't have to see his eyes to know, Paul was going to murder me.

Terror exploded within me. I began pounding on the door hysterically, screaming for Billy and Jake.

I felt Paul's hands on my wrists. He was shaking me. "Stop, Rachel. It's me!"

The echo of my screaming voice was still present in my ears as I opened my eyes. I was in his arms. My fists were balled up tightly, and my face was wet with tears and sweat. We had fallen asleep on the living room carpet.

"What happened?" he puffed, with a severely horrified expression. "You wouldn't let me touch you. You were having a nightmare. I couldn't wake you up."

"More like a night terror. I'm sure that was the worse dream I've ever had in my entire life," I squeaked. My throat felt strained and my voice was raspy. "I couldn't wake up because I thought I was already awake."

He lifted me from the carpet, burying his face between my neck and shoulder and squeezed me firmly. "You were like someone possessed. You really scared me, babe," he murmured into my ear. His heart was pounding hard against my chest just as forceful and erratic as my own.

"Sorry. I really scared myself," I whispered back.

I went into the restroom to wash away the sweat and tears. Examining my palms, I could see the deep frayed-skin indentations that were made from the pressure of my fingernails.

Considering the way Paul reacted to the wolf nightmares in my dream journal, I could only imagine how upset he'd be if he knew my night terror. Paul would never hurt me, not in a million years. He would be devastated if he thought that I subconsciously felt otherwise.

I had kept all of my dreams to myself and this one would be no exception.

When I came back out, his face was twisted with concern. I went directly to him and climbed into his arms. I felt the trembling vibration of his body. I thought I could see a faint ripple on his skin. He was very unsettled and for the first time ever, he said, "Rachel, I need to know exactly what had you screaming like that. What you've been dreaming about. You need to start telling me what's really going on with you."


End file.
